Eating out on a budget

So with Velcro Baby and Moanbag Boy making my afternoons, well, INTERESTING, I've had to devise new ways of cooking. Whereas the requirements for a good meal used to be nutritional completeness, tastiness, variety and presentation, these days I choose meals based on their ability to be cooked with one hand.

Fresh asparagus with lemon butter sauce (made from scratch) has been replaced with frozen broccoli, tenderly steamed in the microwave. Line fish baked on a bed of tri-coloured vegetables with a Moroccan rub has been replaced with frozen Grill Bakes, ceremoniously arranged on a baking tray and lovingly baked in the oven. You get the picture.

Some nights, though, I just can't bear the thought of cooking so lavishly, so we eat out. Out of cans, that is.

Not that I ever allow my family's grand dinners to become boring or uninspiring. So here, for your culinary and gastronomic delight, I will share one of my favourite Eating Out ideas.

Authentic Indian Bean Curry
Put baby down with a toy. Now QUICKLY, open up 2 cans of butterbeans and one can of tomato puree or chopped tomatoes. As baby starts to complain, pour a little oil in a pan and switch stove on, while stalling by singing a nursery rhyme.
When baby wails indignantly, pick her up. Rush and pull toddler away from stove, where he has managed to drag a chair and is about to "help you cook".
Install toddler at cutlery drawer. With baby on one hip, drain butterbeans, and take chopped garlic out of fridge. While you're at it, get the onion out.

Put baby in crib in front of mobile. Now QUICKLY, chop onion and wash hands straight away. As baby begins to complain, sing another nursery rhyme and chuck the onions and garlic into the hot oil. When baby wails, pick her up and shout at toddler for digging in the garden soil with the kitchen utensils. Install toddler in front of sink and let him "wash his hands".

With baby on left hip, turn right side towards stove and stir onions. Now add some masala (NOT anything called "curry powder", please, people) and feel momentarily guilty for overwhelming your baby with such pungent odours. Put it down to olfactory stimulation and move on.

When masala smells roasted (about 15-30 seconds) throw in the drained beans and tomatoes. If you have some tomato paste, now would be a good time to add it. Rescue the bottle of dishwashing liquid from your toddler, who is "blowing bubbles".

Stir curry, cover and allow to cook for 10-15 minutes. As husband pulls into garage, whip off your apron, untie your hair and sniff your armpits. Greet him with a smile and the inviting aroma of a home-cooked meal.

Serve bean curry with fresh white bread, or roti from Pick 'n Pay. Apologise for lack of salt, sprinkle some on top, and enjoy with a glass of red wine.