It's a wonder that we have survived nearly six weeks in this place without getting punched or verbally abused, contracting food poisoning, or having a serious car accident. With the discrepancies in meanings between South African English and American English, we are practically learning a foreign language.
I mean, where am I supposed to drive when the tarred road surface is called the pavement, and the pavement is called the sidewalk? How do I operate a car when a bonnet is a hood and a boot is a trunk, and neither one is opened, but both are popped? Do I toot my horn or hoot at the truck (which is in fact, a bakkie - a truck is either an 18-wheeler or a big rig or a hauler or any number of other things)?
Where do I put my laundry when a washing machine is a washer and a washer is a... O-ring? I don't even know what a washer is called here. A geyser is called a water heater, and a hot spring is a geyser. A cistern, believe it or not, is actually a tanker truck and has nothing to do with the house plumbing. If I ask a shop assistant for the bathroom, they wonder if I need an emergency shower. Toilet sounds too crude, I have to remember to ask for the restroom.
What do I wear when a vest is a waistcoat and an undershirt is a vest? Do I wear a vest over my dress shirt and an undershirt under my shirt dress?
Where do I sleep when a single bed is a twin bed, and a three-quarter is a full size? Luckily, a queen is a queen and a king is a king, but how big is a California king? A night frill is a bed skirt, but could someone please explain what a sham is? In SA, you certainly would not buy anything advertised to include a sham.
What do I eat when Cinnabon is a breakfast treat, and maize porridge (grits) is eaten savoury with eggs and bacon? When sausage is not the same as sausages, and hamburger is not the same as hamburgers? You can eat sausage on biscuits (English muffins) and hamburger with macaroni. A vienna is a frank, and boerewors doesn't exist. If you ask for mince meat you get fruit mince, if you want minced meat you ask for ground meat. A rib roast is not a rib eye roast, is not a rib eye steak, is not an eye round steak. And what the hell is tri-tip? Could I ask the butcher to show me his weiners, or would that be inappropriate?
Tomato sauce is ketchup, tomato puree is tomato sauce, fresh tomato sauce is pasta sauce (I think). Cherry tomatoes are grape tomatoes... oy vey.
I told Nikhil we were going to Food Source - he wanted to know if he could have some food sauce too? Brad in particular is having trouble pronouncing "sauce" and "source" in American.
And where do I buy all these things when a shop is a workshop and a store is a shop? What would people in South Africa think if I told them I work in a drug store? Drugs are medicines and narcotics are drugs - our narcotics are called, what? Sedative-hypnotics? Really looking forward to the first week at work...
I arranged to meet a guy in 20 minutes, and told him I would see him "just now". He seemed alarmed and told me he would rather see me later.
At least Nikhil seems to be adapting. After Thanksgiving lunch, he discovered there's a whole BUNCH of people who speak just like Malissa, and now he's started pronouncing all his R's at the end of words, like "wateR", "betteR", "grateR". He even told me he'd had a good "ideaR". I don't think he believed me when I told him IDEA doesn't end in an R. He'll have to hear it from Malissa, I suppose...
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Out of the mouths of babes... A kiddie update
Nikhil is coming along really well with his "schoolwork" (pre-Kindergarten activity books). Today we were learning about opposites, and one of the examples was a pretty princess and an ugly witch. Out of the blue, Nikhil says "Mommy, if you eat all your food, you'll grow up into a pretty lady one day." Amused, I asked him what I am now, ugly or pretty? "Not ugly, and not pretty, just nice." Not so amused anymore.
I asked him if Ariane is pretty, and he confidently said yes. So I asked who else is pretty? "Malissa is pretty! One day, when you're pretty like Malissa, I'll say, Oh I love you Mommy!"
The funniest part was watching Brad trying to salvage my feelings.
Ariane is saying a few more words, like Duck (she really does love birds), and G'bye. She's started biting Nikhil, though. If he has something she wants, she bites him. If he takes something she has, she bites him. If I take something away from her, she bites Nikhil!
In happier news, Nikhil's verbal skills are progressing quite gratifyingly. Today he told me, "When Ariane grows up into a lady she won't bite me anymore. But at the moment, she's still a baby, and she doesn't know any better." I was quite impressed - I certainly didn't tell him that. He's still trying to figure out exactly what a husband is, though. Today he told me he was going to the park with his husband - being Brad.
We took the kids to Toys R Us because Nikhil wouldn't stop asking for a lawnmower to "lawn the mow". We found a cute one that blows bubbles, but he only wanted the one with a choke to start the motor. He threw one of those "Whose kid is that?" tantrums because we wouldn't buy him a huge motorised tractor, and then he saw the golf clubs... In the end, we gave him a choice between the golf clubs, the lawnmower and a tricycle (because Ariane was getting a ride-on), and he chose the golf clubs. He LOVES golf - on the way home he told us all about how his grandfather taught him how to play golf but he's in South Africa now...
Anyway, it didn't stop him crying for the lawnmower once we got home. Or fighting with Ariane over the ride-on. That's a lesson in making choices and living with the consequences.
We're still waiting patiently for the day the kids can put themselves to bed and sleep through the night. At 14 months and nearly 3 years old, I fear we may have missed our window of opportunity...
I asked him if Ariane is pretty, and he confidently said yes. So I asked who else is pretty? "Malissa is pretty! One day, when you're pretty like Malissa, I'll say, Oh I love you Mommy!"
The funniest part was watching Brad trying to salvage my feelings.
Ariane is saying a few more words, like Duck (she really does love birds), and G'bye. She's started biting Nikhil, though. If he has something she wants, she bites him. If he takes something she has, she bites him. If I take something away from her, she bites Nikhil!
In happier news, Nikhil's verbal skills are progressing quite gratifyingly. Today he told me, "When Ariane grows up into a lady she won't bite me anymore. But at the moment, she's still a baby, and she doesn't know any better." I was quite impressed - I certainly didn't tell him that. He's still trying to figure out exactly what a husband is, though. Today he told me he was going to the park with his husband - being Brad.
We took the kids to Toys R Us because Nikhil wouldn't stop asking for a lawnmower to "lawn the mow". We found a cute one that blows bubbles, but he only wanted the one with a choke to start the motor. He threw one of those "Whose kid is that?" tantrums because we wouldn't buy him a huge motorised tractor, and then he saw the golf clubs... In the end, we gave him a choice between the golf clubs, the lawnmower and a tricycle (because Ariane was getting a ride-on), and he chose the golf clubs. He LOVES golf - on the way home he told us all about how his grandfather taught him how to play golf but he's in South Africa now...
Anyway, it didn't stop him crying for the lawnmower once we got home. Or fighting with Ariane over the ride-on. That's a lesson in making choices and living with the consequences.
We're still waiting patiently for the day the kids can put themselves to bed and sleep through the night. At 14 months and nearly 3 years old, I fear we may have missed our window of opportunity...
Friday, November 26, 2010
Thanksgiving
We've been adopted by the Johnsons, Malissa's family. We spent Thanksgiving at Grandma and Grandpa Johnson's house today.
We were invited to attend The Stuffing of the Turkey early in the morning. It was a 19lb turkey, almost the size of Ariane.
The Stuffing actually started about 3 days previously, when the turkey was taken out to defrost. This morning, the Johnsons prepared great-grandma Johnson's original recipe turkey stuffing, with much squelching and squeezing. (I got the recipe! This confirms that I'm family!)
Once the stuffing was declared perfect, it was stuffed into the turkey with a respectable amount of huffing and puffing.
Finally it was all sewn together with the requisite pulling and tugging, and then basted with melted butter.
(That's Malissa's mom - now you know where Malissa got her good looks!)
Finally the turkey was wrapped cosily in foil and tucked into the oven for five hours. Coincidentally, that's about as long as Ariane sleeps before she wakes for the first time at night. Hmm...
Later in the afternoon, we returned to the Johnson's to the delicious aroma of a perfectly roasted turkey. We indulged in a feast that was satisfyingly traditional, yet not sickeningly rich. Succulent turkey (I expected dry!), flavourful stuffing, the most buttery orange sweet potatoes (no marshmallow topping, thank goodness!), tart cranberry sauce, fluffy mashed potatoes... Crisp salad of baby spinach, nuts and cranberries... And of course, pumpkin pie to end it all off. Just perfect.
Oh, yes, and Jell-o and cream with the main course... Still trying to figure that one out.
I'm now infatuated with orange sweet potatoes and pumpkin pie - they're plaguing my brain like a teenage crush. I can't wait to see them again (apologies to Miley Cyrus).
The Johnsons have the perfect grandparents' house - it's full of interesting pictures and ornaments to intrigue little minds (and fingers!) as well as an attic full of toys that make their way into the living room. Best of all, it's owned by smiling indulgent parents of four, who say "Oh, let him have another helping of dessert!" and bounce children around, making silly noises. Grandparents are the same all over the world.
I explained the concept of gratitude to Nikhil, and asked him what he was thankful for. His answer: "Umm, smoke detectors and air conditioners... and stuff." Well, I suppose that's a fair answer. With some encouragement, he conceded that he is also grateful for gumball machines and Halloween and Mom, but what about Dad? "Hmm... ye-es, but sometimes he makes me cross!" Mommy's boy.
And what about my Thanksgiving list? I'm grateful that we are finally here, after years of planning and praying. I'm grateful for sweet potatoes and pumpkin pie. I'm grateful for friends who keep you afloat when you think you might drown. I'm grateful for adoptive families. And I'm grateful that I have a real family to miss as much as I do.
We were invited to attend The Stuffing of the Turkey early in the morning. It was a 19lb turkey, almost the size of Ariane.
The Stuffing actually started about 3 days previously, when the turkey was taken out to defrost. This morning, the Johnsons prepared great-grandma Johnson's original recipe turkey stuffing, with much squelching and squeezing. (I got the recipe! This confirms that I'm family!)
Once the stuffing was declared perfect, it was stuffed into the turkey with a respectable amount of huffing and puffing.
Finally it was all sewn together with the requisite pulling and tugging, and then basted with melted butter.
(That's Malissa's mom - now you know where Malissa got her good looks!)
Finally the turkey was wrapped cosily in foil and tucked into the oven for five hours. Coincidentally, that's about as long as Ariane sleeps before she wakes for the first time at night. Hmm...
Later in the afternoon, we returned to the Johnson's to the delicious aroma of a perfectly roasted turkey. We indulged in a feast that was satisfyingly traditional, yet not sickeningly rich. Succulent turkey (I expected dry!), flavourful stuffing, the most buttery orange sweet potatoes (no marshmallow topping, thank goodness!), tart cranberry sauce, fluffy mashed potatoes... Crisp salad of baby spinach, nuts and cranberries... And of course, pumpkin pie to end it all off. Just perfect.
Oh, yes, and Jell-o and cream with the main course... Still trying to figure that one out.
I'm now infatuated with orange sweet potatoes and pumpkin pie - they're plaguing my brain like a teenage crush. I can't wait to see them again (apologies to Miley Cyrus).
The Johnsons have the perfect grandparents' house - it's full of interesting pictures and ornaments to intrigue little minds (and fingers!) as well as an attic full of toys that make their way into the living room. Best of all, it's owned by smiling indulgent parents of four, who say "Oh, let him have another helping of dessert!" and bounce children around, making silly noises. Grandparents are the same all over the world.
I explained the concept of gratitude to Nikhil, and asked him what he was thankful for. His answer: "Umm, smoke detectors and air conditioners... and stuff." Well, I suppose that's a fair answer. With some encouragement, he conceded that he is also grateful for gumball machines and Halloween and Mom, but what about Dad? "Hmm... ye-es, but sometimes he makes me cross!" Mommy's boy.
And what about my Thanksgiving list? I'm grateful that we are finally here, after years of planning and praying. I'm grateful for sweet potatoes and pumpkin pie. I'm grateful for friends who keep you afloat when you think you might drown. I'm grateful for adoptive families. And I'm grateful that I have a real family to miss as much as I do.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
The modern family unit
I just realised what a strange sight we must make when we go out as a family. Yesterday at the mall, Brad was walking ahead pushing both kids in the double stroller, as I trailed behind, gulping in all the new sights, sounds and smells on offer. (How do men do that - walk into a new mall in a new city, new COUNTRY, and walk straight to a pre-determined spot, without slowing down to take in all the details and nuances of the fashion, decor, quality of the new place?)
So there Brad was, wearing his Mr. Mom t-shirt to boot, and it dawned on me that we have a pretty strange family at the moment. Our roles are fluid and undefined - we're both caregivers, both home makers, both decision makers. I'm the breadwinner, he's the one who does the grocery shopping, and yet the power hasn't shifted. That's probably because it was pretty balanced in the first place. We're both focused on achieving the life we've envisioned, and it doesn't matter who baths the kids and who brings in the paycheck.
Still, being the mom and the working parent has its unique challenges. We're taking turns putting Nikhil to bed at night, because I do need to study (and putting Nikhil to bed takes an hour). He's having trouble accepting it - he says he wants me to put him to bed every night, and it tears my heart out. I feel so guilty for being firm with him, even though I know my alternate contribution to the family is essential.
I still worry that the kids won't be ok if I'm not around - that Brad will forget to feed and water them, or change Ariane's nappy, or whatever, despite all previous evidence that he is actually the more attentive caregiver. Brad suggested I spend the day at the library tomorrow, studying, and my first reaction was, "But will you be ok with the kids?" Um, that's his full-time job from now on...
Travelling here was also more challenging, compared to having the dad as the working parent. We're not the first family to have done it, but things are so much simpler for working dads. They travel alone first, sleep on the plane, and sort out the admin unencumbered when they arrive. They sleep off the jet lag undisturbed, albeit in a crappy hotel. Then they drive around (on the other side of the road) with no-one to distract them, and go to Homeland Security and the bank and the estate agent and the new employer and the electricity provider... Then, when all that's sorted out, they send for the wife and kids, and go off to work.
Being the mom, I couldn't leave the kids in South Africa for four weeks. So we traveled with them, stayed awake when they were awake, tried to anticipate their disturbed appetites. We crammed them into the crappy hotel with us, drove around on the other side of the road with them shouting and complaining in the back, and dragged them along to all sorts of interminably boring official offices. And now they have to get used to Mom not putting them to bed, as I have been all their lives.
A year ago, I was fretting to my dad about the possibility of us leaving when Ariane was only 3 months old. "It won't be so bad," he said dismissively. "My uncle took his wife and 2-week old baby to live in Australia 35 years ago, and he worked and didn't have a problem!" Well, Dad, did it ever occur to you that your uncle didn't carry the baby for nine months, give birth to it, breastfeed it, and carry it for a further 9 months to a year?
I really can't complain - Brad is a super mom-dad, and has no ego issues with being the primary parent. I couldn't ask for more, really. A woman at the mall looked at his Mr. Mom t-shirt and asked me if he lived up to the name. The answer was a sincere "Oh yes!".
I just have to constantly remind myself that our family is strange to some, and not everyone understands our motives. So many people find it hard to believe that Brad is not looking for a job; even more immediately assume he must therefore be a bum. Oh, well, we love our crazy, off-centre family life.
I'm off to bed - gonna give that bum a big thank-you kiss!
So there Brad was, wearing his Mr. Mom t-shirt to boot, and it dawned on me that we have a pretty strange family at the moment. Our roles are fluid and undefined - we're both caregivers, both home makers, both decision makers. I'm the breadwinner, he's the one who does the grocery shopping, and yet the power hasn't shifted. That's probably because it was pretty balanced in the first place. We're both focused on achieving the life we've envisioned, and it doesn't matter who baths the kids and who brings in the paycheck.
Still, being the mom and the working parent has its unique challenges. We're taking turns putting Nikhil to bed at night, because I do need to study (and putting Nikhil to bed takes an hour). He's having trouble accepting it - he says he wants me to put him to bed every night, and it tears my heart out. I feel so guilty for being firm with him, even though I know my alternate contribution to the family is essential.
I still worry that the kids won't be ok if I'm not around - that Brad will forget to feed and water them, or change Ariane's nappy, or whatever, despite all previous evidence that he is actually the more attentive caregiver. Brad suggested I spend the day at the library tomorrow, studying, and my first reaction was, "But will you be ok with the kids?" Um, that's his full-time job from now on...
Travelling here was also more challenging, compared to having the dad as the working parent. We're not the first family to have done it, but things are so much simpler for working dads. They travel alone first, sleep on the plane, and sort out the admin unencumbered when they arrive. They sleep off the jet lag undisturbed, albeit in a crappy hotel. Then they drive around (on the other side of the road) with no-one to distract them, and go to Homeland Security and the bank and the estate agent and the new employer and the electricity provider... Then, when all that's sorted out, they send for the wife and kids, and go off to work.
Being the mom, I couldn't leave the kids in South Africa for four weeks. So we traveled with them, stayed awake when they were awake, tried to anticipate their disturbed appetites. We crammed them into the crappy hotel with us, drove around on the other side of the road with them shouting and complaining in the back, and dragged them along to all sorts of interminably boring official offices. And now they have to get used to Mom not putting them to bed, as I have been all their lives.
A year ago, I was fretting to my dad about the possibility of us leaving when Ariane was only 3 months old. "It won't be so bad," he said dismissively. "My uncle took his wife and 2-week old baby to live in Australia 35 years ago, and he worked and didn't have a problem!" Well, Dad, did it ever occur to you that your uncle didn't carry the baby for nine months, give birth to it, breastfeed it, and carry it for a further 9 months to a year?
I really can't complain - Brad is a super mom-dad, and has no ego issues with being the primary parent. I couldn't ask for more, really. A woman at the mall looked at his Mr. Mom t-shirt and asked me if he lived up to the name. The answer was a sincere "Oh yes!".
I just have to constantly remind myself that our family is strange to some, and not everyone understands our motives. So many people find it hard to believe that Brad is not looking for a job; even more immediately assume he must therefore be a bum. Oh, well, we love our crazy, off-centre family life.
I'm off to bed - gonna give that bum a big thank-you kiss!
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Nikhil and the Gumball Machine
It started with 2 pieces of bubblegum in Nikhil's Halloween bucket. He was forbidden from eating them, and I chewed one to show him bubbles. He was so fascinated, he dropped his panda obsession and immediately replaced it with a gum obsession.
As soon as I was done with the gum, I showed him how to spit it out and throw it away, but he wanted me to chew the next one. I promised him I would chew it the next day.
The next morning, he woke up and greeted me with "Mom, do you want your bubblegum now?" He offered it to me about 12 times in the time it took to get dressed and ready for the day.
He now compulsively visits the "G" page on Starfall (his learn-to-read website) because one of the G words is gumball. You choose a coin, and the corresponding number of gumballs roll out of the gumball machine, and a little girl chews and blows a big bubble. After seeing me do it, it finally makes sense to him.
He also discovered gumball machines in Elk Grove, and we are in big trouble if we pass one and don't have a quarter for him to get a gumball! Well, today we went to a mall (first time in America!) and discovered Gumball Heaven:
He's probably dreaming about gumballs right now...
In other news, I am not working yet. I still have to go through loads of background checks etc. I'm just enjoying the time off, although there's not much to do these days. I met my district manager today, and he was really nice - put my mind at ease about a lot of things I was worrying about. I'm really looking forward to starting work - not least because it'll put an end to my constant boredom-eating.
The kids are settling down, now that we are able to give them a better routine. Tonight Nikhil fell asleep before 9:30pm for the first time since we moved in! He gets to do half an hour of "schoolwork" before the clock (not mommy, because you can't argue with the clock) says it's bedtime.
We've been driving around a fair bit in central California, and the impression we get is that every community is a carbon copy of the one before. All the same stores, all the same fast food places, all in similar-looking hubs, can be found stamped along all the similar-looking roads from Elk Grove to San Francisco. It may give a sense of familiarity to some, but it's downright confusing to me, who has no sense of direction and orientation! I keep getting lost because I'm trying to get home from the Walgreen's, but it's not the same Walgreen's I drove past yesterday!
Many of the houses seem to look similar too. We've been looking at houses for sale, and the pictures show houses finished in an identical fashion to the one we live in now! Same kitchen cabinets, same kitchen surfaces, same bathroom surfaces, same light fittings... Maybe there was one big building contractor in Elk Grove 10 years ago who ordered in bulk.
Having said that, we are now certain that Elk Grove is where we want to stay. It has a really pleasant vibe, and it has just the right balance of small town-ness and big city-ness: small town traffic, big city activities. How fortunate that we started out here in the first place.
We had a mini culture shock today. I found a local group of moms advertised on a meet-up website, who get together to explore child-friendly activities in Elk Grove. I thought it would be a good way for Brad to get the kids out and playing with other kids, so I contacted the group and asked if Brad and the kids could join. His application was rejected because the ladies are not comfortable allowing men they don't know to join. So they allow strange women to join and take their kids out, but not dads. In South Africa that's called gender discrimination. Nevermind, I'm not comfortable allowing my children around man-bashers anyway... I just hope all the moms are not so close-minded, otherwise we're going to have some homeschooling challenges.
Cheers for now, folks. May you have a Gumball Heaven day!
As soon as I was done with the gum, I showed him how to spit it out and throw it away, but he wanted me to chew the next one. I promised him I would chew it the next day.
The next morning, he woke up and greeted me with "Mom, do you want your bubblegum now?" He offered it to me about 12 times in the time it took to get dressed and ready for the day.
He now compulsively visits the "G" page on Starfall (his learn-to-read website) because one of the G words is gumball. You choose a coin, and the corresponding number of gumballs roll out of the gumball machine, and a little girl chews and blows a big bubble. After seeing me do it, it finally makes sense to him.
He also discovered gumball machines in Elk Grove, and we are in big trouble if we pass one and don't have a quarter for him to get a gumball! Well, today we went to a mall (first time in America!) and discovered Gumball Heaven:
He's probably dreaming about gumballs right now...
In other news, I am not working yet. I still have to go through loads of background checks etc. I'm just enjoying the time off, although there's not much to do these days. I met my district manager today, and he was really nice - put my mind at ease about a lot of things I was worrying about. I'm really looking forward to starting work - not least because it'll put an end to my constant boredom-eating.
The kids are settling down, now that we are able to give them a better routine. Tonight Nikhil fell asleep before 9:30pm for the first time since we moved in! He gets to do half an hour of "schoolwork" before the clock (not mommy, because you can't argue with the clock) says it's bedtime.
We've been driving around a fair bit in central California, and the impression we get is that every community is a carbon copy of the one before. All the same stores, all the same fast food places, all in similar-looking hubs, can be found stamped along all the similar-looking roads from Elk Grove to San Francisco. It may give a sense of familiarity to some, but it's downright confusing to me, who has no sense of direction and orientation! I keep getting lost because I'm trying to get home from the Walgreen's, but it's not the same Walgreen's I drove past yesterday!
Many of the houses seem to look similar too. We've been looking at houses for sale, and the pictures show houses finished in an identical fashion to the one we live in now! Same kitchen cabinets, same kitchen surfaces, same bathroom surfaces, same light fittings... Maybe there was one big building contractor in Elk Grove 10 years ago who ordered in bulk.
Having said that, we are now certain that Elk Grove is where we want to stay. It has a really pleasant vibe, and it has just the right balance of small town-ness and big city-ness: small town traffic, big city activities. How fortunate that we started out here in the first place.
We had a mini culture shock today. I found a local group of moms advertised on a meet-up website, who get together to explore child-friendly activities in Elk Grove. I thought it would be a good way for Brad to get the kids out and playing with other kids, so I contacted the group and asked if Brad and the kids could join. His application was rejected because the ladies are not comfortable allowing men they don't know to join. So they allow strange women to join and take their kids out, but not dads. In South Africa that's called gender discrimination. Nevermind, I'm not comfortable allowing my children around man-bashers anyway... I just hope all the moms are not so close-minded, otherwise we're going to have some homeschooling challenges.
Cheers for now, folks. May you have a Gumball Heaven day!
Sunday, November 14, 2010
The transmutation has begun...
I'm slowly becoming more Americanised. For one thing, I have a Social Security card! (It was a bit of an anti-climax - the "card" is just a perforated piece of paper, and you're not allowed to laminate it!)
I also have a license to practice pharmacy, which is awesome - it means I can start work next week.
Our home is finally kitted out and pretty much complete. All we need now is Brad's fancy schmancy super computer. Oh, and a dining table to replace the camping table Jason and Malissa lent us.
We have checked out most of the "essentials" stores and decided where we'll be doing our shopping. We discovered SF Supermarket today - it's a Chinese supermarket that sells all the Chinese groceries as well as the regular fresh produce. I had to hold Brad's jaw up - he was thrashing about in paroxysms of delight, going "Oh, look! They have FRESH LOTUS ROOT! And so many rice varieties! And Pearl River Bridge GOLD LABEL soy sauce!" It was kind of cute watching him get so excited about food, and the fact that his kids can now grow up with a proper Asian diet.
Oh, and we cleaned our own house today! Imagine that... It only took us two hours. Is that really what we paid our domestic to do? Man, she was there for 9 hours a day, 5 days a week! Ok, I admit, she didn't have an electric dishwasher and clothes dryer. But still, 2 hours compared to 45?
We had Jason, Malissa and Christian over for dinner tonight. It was lovely and convivial, and the food was delicious (thanks Brad and SF Supermarkets!). They left at 8pm, and 20 minutes later the kitchen showed no evidence of a dinner party. Amazing.
Nikhil, Ariane and Christian are so cute together. Christian is learning to crawl, Ariane has just learnt to walk, and Nikhil... well, Nikhil is learning to read to them. Ariane and Christian talk to each other in baby language, and Nikhil reverts to baby language and crawling to fit in. Poor kid, we really need to find him some friends. When Ariane and Christian went to bed, Nikhil sat up working on the computer. We predicted that in 18 years' time, Ariane and Christian would be out clubbing and raising hell, and Nikhil would be sitting in his room hacking into the World Bank.
The kids are taking up all our time and energy right now. They demand constant attention when they're awake, they rarely nap during the day, fight bedtime at night, and even once they fall asleep, they wake up frequently for cuddling or bottles or no reason at all. It's quite exhausting - we have hardly any time to do important admin, never mind have a conversation.
Sigh. Emigrating without kids must be a completely different experience... We would have lived in a smaller, smarter apartment. We would have spent less time doing laundry and more time exploring the city. We would have spent less time packing nappy bags, snacks and extra clothes every time we left the house. We would have eaten seafood in San Francisco instead of packing a wholesome but homely lunch. We wouldn't have had to scope out every destination for toilets the second we arrived.
But in the end, we would have laughed less, loved less, and lived less. So I have no regrets - just an insatiable desire for more sleep...
I also have a license to practice pharmacy, which is awesome - it means I can start work next week.
Our home is finally kitted out and pretty much complete. All we need now is Brad's fancy schmancy super computer. Oh, and a dining table to replace the camping table Jason and Malissa lent us.
We have checked out most of the "essentials" stores and decided where we'll be doing our shopping. We discovered SF Supermarket today - it's a Chinese supermarket that sells all the Chinese groceries as well as the regular fresh produce. I had to hold Brad's jaw up - he was thrashing about in paroxysms of delight, going "Oh, look! They have FRESH LOTUS ROOT! And so many rice varieties! And Pearl River Bridge GOLD LABEL soy sauce!" It was kind of cute watching him get so excited about food, and the fact that his kids can now grow up with a proper Asian diet.
Oh, and we cleaned our own house today! Imagine that... It only took us two hours. Is that really what we paid our domestic to do? Man, she was there for 9 hours a day, 5 days a week! Ok, I admit, she didn't have an electric dishwasher and clothes dryer. But still, 2 hours compared to 45?
We had Jason, Malissa and Christian over for dinner tonight. It was lovely and convivial, and the food was delicious (thanks Brad and SF Supermarkets!). They left at 8pm, and 20 minutes later the kitchen showed no evidence of a dinner party. Amazing.
Nikhil, Ariane and Christian are so cute together. Christian is learning to crawl, Ariane has just learnt to walk, and Nikhil... well, Nikhil is learning to read to them. Ariane and Christian talk to each other in baby language, and Nikhil reverts to baby language and crawling to fit in. Poor kid, we really need to find him some friends. When Ariane and Christian went to bed, Nikhil sat up working on the computer. We predicted that in 18 years' time, Ariane and Christian would be out clubbing and raising hell, and Nikhil would be sitting in his room hacking into the World Bank.
The kids are taking up all our time and energy right now. They demand constant attention when they're awake, they rarely nap during the day, fight bedtime at night, and even once they fall asleep, they wake up frequently for cuddling or bottles or no reason at all. It's quite exhausting - we have hardly any time to do important admin, never mind have a conversation.
Sigh. Emigrating without kids must be a completely different experience... We would have lived in a smaller, smarter apartment. We would have spent less time doing laundry and more time exploring the city. We would have spent less time packing nappy bags, snacks and extra clothes every time we left the house. We would have eaten seafood in San Francisco instead of packing a wholesome but homely lunch. We wouldn't have had to scope out every destination for toilets the second we arrived.
But in the end, we would have laughed less, loved less, and lived less. So I have no regrets - just an insatiable desire for more sleep...
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Two weeks
It’s been a week and a half since we arrived here, and I’m ready to make some pronouncements and judgements on the place.
If I had to describe America in one word, it would be EASY. Life is just designed to be easy and convenient, and one gets the sense that people are carrying on their daily lives without too much effort or struggle.
It seems everybody has a dishwasher. Tumble dryers are the norm, with Wrinkle Release settings to make ironing obsolete. Special cleaning gadgets make housework a breeze, like broom-sized battery-operated vacuum cleaners. Ziploc bags are everywhere, eliminating a lot of washing and storing of plastic containers. Hordes of storage space mean surfaces can be kept clear and easy to clean.
After Halloween we bought bucket loads of candy at ridiculously low clearance prices. We’ve found that certain things are very cheap here – seasonal décor, like Halloween and Christmas décor is extremely cheap, making it quite easy to get into the spirit. Home goods, like kitchen equipment, furniture and appliances are very cheap. Salon services like manicures can be found very cheaply. Good quality toys are also very reasonable and easy to find, whereas in Joburg we couldn’t find decent toys that would last, no matter how much we paid.
We went to Ikea to look for home furnishings. Some Americans are contemptuous of Ikea, but we loved it! The furniture is very European in design (Ikea is a Swedish company), and all the product names are Swedish. The products are all designed to make the most of space, while being environmentally friendly and stylish too. And all the big items come flat-packed for home assembly, which makes transporting them more eco-friendly, and also keeps prices down.
Food is expensive though. You can find well-priced food if you’re willing to look around and eat according to season, and there is a lot of competition between stores. Looking out for specials can save you quite a lot of money, and coupons are substantial. We shop for food every 2-3 days, and each time we save about $7 by shopping for specials and using loyalty cards. If I save $70 a month just by looking at the Sunday flyers, I’m willing to put in the effort!
The people are incredibly open and friendly. People will just strike up a conversation in the supermarket aisles. And Walmart is definitely a weirdo-magnet! It’s just like the People of Walmart website says it is! We never see weird people in Elk Grove, but in Walmart, every third person is a weirdo!
The kids have discovered applesauce, and munch through a pound a day. I suppose it’s better than chips or cakes…
I had a great internet shopping experience today. We decided to get a double stroller for the kids, so I looked it up on Craigslist, found one for $20 ($20!!!) and drove 4 minutes up the road to pick it up. I was thrilled – it was practically unused!
Next week we’re planning a trip to the Asian quarter to find Chinese supplies, and to San Francisco. Exciting times!
If I had to describe America in one word, it would be EASY. Life is just designed to be easy and convenient, and one gets the sense that people are carrying on their daily lives without too much effort or struggle.
It seems everybody has a dishwasher. Tumble dryers are the norm, with Wrinkle Release settings to make ironing obsolete. Special cleaning gadgets make housework a breeze, like broom-sized battery-operated vacuum cleaners. Ziploc bags are everywhere, eliminating a lot of washing and storing of plastic containers. Hordes of storage space mean surfaces can be kept clear and easy to clean.
After Halloween we bought bucket loads of candy at ridiculously low clearance prices. We’ve found that certain things are very cheap here – seasonal décor, like Halloween and Christmas décor is extremely cheap, making it quite easy to get into the spirit. Home goods, like kitchen equipment, furniture and appliances are very cheap. Salon services like manicures can be found very cheaply. Good quality toys are also very reasonable and easy to find, whereas in Joburg we couldn’t find decent toys that would last, no matter how much we paid.
We went to Ikea to look for home furnishings. Some Americans are contemptuous of Ikea, but we loved it! The furniture is very European in design (Ikea is a Swedish company), and all the product names are Swedish. The products are all designed to make the most of space, while being environmentally friendly and stylish too. And all the big items come flat-packed for home assembly, which makes transporting them more eco-friendly, and also keeps prices down.
Food is expensive though. You can find well-priced food if you’re willing to look around and eat according to season, and there is a lot of competition between stores. Looking out for specials can save you quite a lot of money, and coupons are substantial. We shop for food every 2-3 days, and each time we save about $7 by shopping for specials and using loyalty cards. If I save $70 a month just by looking at the Sunday flyers, I’m willing to put in the effort!
The people are incredibly open and friendly. People will just strike up a conversation in the supermarket aisles. And Walmart is definitely a weirdo-magnet! It’s just like the People of Walmart website says it is! We never see weird people in Elk Grove, but in Walmart, every third person is a weirdo!
The kids have discovered applesauce, and munch through a pound a day. I suppose it’s better than chips or cakes…
I had a great internet shopping experience today. We decided to get a double stroller for the kids, so I looked it up on Craigslist, found one for $20 ($20!!!) and drove 4 minutes up the road to pick it up. I was thrilled – it was practically unused!
Next week we’re planning a trip to the Asian quarter to find Chinese supplies, and to San Francisco. Exciting times!
Halloween
Sunday was our first Halloween.
The Friday before Halloween, Malissa and Nikhil carved pumpkins. Nikhil tried hard not to compulsively wash his hands while scooping out the slippery insides and seeds. We roasted the seeds, which were delicious. Then Malissa managed to carve some impressive jack-o-lanterns with just a big kitchen knife, without slicing Nikhil’s fingers, which were always in the way. On Halloween night we put candles in the pumpkins, and they looked fantastic.
Halloween night was magical – the streets were transformed into a fantasia of witches and zombies and fairies. The jack-o-lanterns glowing in the gardens, the children running up and down the streets, the masked monsters answering the doors to hand out candy – it made me want to be a kid again.
We dressed the kids up – Nikhil was an American Indian, and Ariane wore her birthday Rock Star outfit. They went trick-or-treating with Christian (Jason and Malissa’s 7-month old son) who was adorable in a cow outfit. We just let Nikhil hold a candy bucket, not Ariane, and he came home with WAY too much candy! We put it in the cupboard and he’s allowed to choose one piece a day (although he always ends up having two). At night Brad and I raid the bucket and substantially reduce the stash. We consider it our duty to limit the amount of sugar our children consume. Ahem.
I had a moment when a big bunch of kids stood at a door in front of us, and the owner opened the door and the kids shouted “Trick or treat!” – I suddenly realized that I’m in America! That was when it truly hit me.
We thoroughly enjoyed the first event of the holiday season. Looking forward to Thanksgiving now...
Moving in
On Saturday, Jason and Malissa decided enough was enough, and moved us out of our hotel room in super-quick time.
We entered our house and instantly everyone was happier. The kids have space to run around, we have space to cook and do laundry and spread ourselves out, and there are no neighbours to worry about when the kids shout and bump their toys into the walls.
Our only obstacle to moving into the house was the fact that we owned nothing – no beds, no linen, no plates… Nothing. Our money was still being held by Visa for two incomplete transactions, so we couldn’t even buy anything. As usual, though, the Benades came to the rescue. Malissa put the word out that there was a family from Africa who had nothing, and the aid came pouring in. Between Jason and Malissa, Malissa’s parents and some of their friends, they practically furnished our house. We got a perfectly good washer and dryer set (that’s washing machine and tumble dryer in South African), a microwave, beds, linen, curtains, coffee table, dining table and chairs, crockery, cutlery, non-perishable food… Malissa’s mother even threw in 2 boxes of cake mix, plus the mixing bowl, whisk and cake tin! And all that cost us not one cent. The house came equipped with a stove and fridge, so we were totally equipped from Day 1. They saved us tons of money, and we are so grateful. We were then able to go buy extras to make ourselves more comfortable. Someone even offered us a TV, but we declined – we still don’t want a TV in our home, not even in America. Especially not in America.
The house is equipped with all the amenities Americans consider standard – air conditioning, gas stove, dishwasher, electric garage doors, bathroom humidity extractors, garbage disposal in the kitchen sink… and no burglar bars or perimeter fences. It’s a bit strange to have the constant hum of appliances as a backdrop to everyday activities – if the dryer is not humming, the air conditioning is, or the bathroom extractor, or the dishwasher. I feel like an electricity monster – we turned our air conditioner off while it’s still so warm.
The kids are having so much fun in the house. They tear up and down the house shrieking and laughing, jumping on all the luggage and linen that were piled up on the floor. They feed each other and imitate each other. Ariane has finally started walking!
We took them to the park behind our house today. It’s beautiful and stimulating and full of kids, and I can see them finding new things to do there every day for at least a couple of months. On the way back home we checked our post box. It’s a lockable box on the corner of our street, along with about 10 other post boxes. There’s a separate box for you to post your mail out, and you can even request the postman to drop stamps in your post box, so you never have to go to the post office! No wonder so many things are done by mail here – the postal system actually works!
We live in a little cul-de-sac, there are only about 6 houses on our road. Today an elderly lady came by on her bicycle (clearly just riding for pleasure) and waved to us as we cleaned out our garage.
We’re still getting accustomed to a lot of things here, but now we’re really starting to enjoy ourselves and have fun.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
One week in
This time last week we had just arrived in California.
I have finally come out of that dream-like state I found myself in those first few days, and realized that this is where I live now. The fact that we are moving into our new home tomorrow helps to ground me, too.
The city we live in, Elk Grove, is beautiful and new and pretty and lively. The houses are all brand new, so are the shops and office buildings. There are no big malls, but 3 large main roads packed chock-full of shopping centres, similar to Key West and Princess Crossing. Wherever you live in Elk Grove, you are never more than 5 minutes away from the shopping district.
Two highways flank the city and run North-South, Interstate 5 and Highway 99. All highways are named by a number, and odd numbers run North-South, while even numbers run East-West. I can take either highway to Galt, which is the neighbouring city where I'll be working.
Things are BIG here: cars, houses, shops, serving sizes. We found 300g tubes of Colgate toothpaste, and marshmallows half the size of your palm. Jose Cuervo is available in 1.5 litre bottles.
Fuel prices change daily, and differ at individual filling stations, by as much as 15c a gallon.
And jelly is not jam! I always thought jelly was jam. Jam exists here, and is called jam or preserves. Jelly comes in squeeze bottles, but I have yet to taste it. Jell-o is a brand, and is either clear jelly or pudding, in flavours like banana custard.
And string cheese is not squeezy cheese - it's a stick of cheese that looks like a crab stick, and it's fibrous so you can peel off strings of cheese. Fascinating.
Things are sweet, too. I'd read that South African soft drinks and chocolates were sweeter than in other countries, but WOW! My teeth are still hurting from the candied papaya I tasted yesterday. And the soft drinks are sweeter too, as well as the yoghurt and hot chocolate and cookies. Yet it's impossible to find full cream yoghurt...
Other things you can't find are bar soaps, and bath sponges. Well, there's Dove bars, and 2 brands called Ivory and Dial. Ivory smells faintly like green Sunlight soap, but thankfully the smell doesn't linger. Everybody uses liquid soap and shower poufs.
I'm off to bed - it's 11:45pm, and we're moving tomorrow. We won't have interent access at home for the next couple of weeks... I suppose frequent trips to Starbucks are in our future - WiFi access for the price of a cup of coffee seems like a good deal.
The kids are going trick-or-treating on Sunday - I'll put up pics as soon as I find the camera cable.
I have finally come out of that dream-like state I found myself in those first few days, and realized that this is where I live now. The fact that we are moving into our new home tomorrow helps to ground me, too.
The city we live in, Elk Grove, is beautiful and new and pretty and lively. The houses are all brand new, so are the shops and office buildings. There are no big malls, but 3 large main roads packed chock-full of shopping centres, similar to Key West and Princess Crossing. Wherever you live in Elk Grove, you are never more than 5 minutes away from the shopping district.
Two highways flank the city and run North-South, Interstate 5 and Highway 99. All highways are named by a number, and odd numbers run North-South, while even numbers run East-West. I can take either highway to Galt, which is the neighbouring city where I'll be working.
Things are BIG here: cars, houses, shops, serving sizes. We found 300g tubes of Colgate toothpaste, and marshmallows half the size of your palm. Jose Cuervo is available in 1.5 litre bottles.
Fuel prices change daily, and differ at individual filling stations, by as much as 15c a gallon.
And jelly is not jam! I always thought jelly was jam. Jam exists here, and is called jam or preserves. Jelly comes in squeeze bottles, but I have yet to taste it. Jell-o is a brand, and is either clear jelly or pudding, in flavours like banana custard.
And string cheese is not squeezy cheese - it's a stick of cheese that looks like a crab stick, and it's fibrous so you can peel off strings of cheese. Fascinating.
Things are sweet, too. I'd read that South African soft drinks and chocolates were sweeter than in other countries, but WOW! My teeth are still hurting from the candied papaya I tasted yesterday. And the soft drinks are sweeter too, as well as the yoghurt and hot chocolate and cookies. Yet it's impossible to find full cream yoghurt...
Other things you can't find are bar soaps, and bath sponges. Well, there's Dove bars, and 2 brands called Ivory and Dial. Ivory smells faintly like green Sunlight soap, but thankfully the smell doesn't linger. Everybody uses liquid soap and shower poufs.
I'm off to bed - it's 11:45pm, and we're moving tomorrow. We won't have interent access at home for the next couple of weeks... I suppose frequent trips to Starbucks are in our future - WiFi access for the price of a cup of coffee seems like a good deal.
The kids are going trick-or-treating on Sunday - I'll put up pics as soon as I find the camera cable.
Friday, October 29, 2010
Rocky Road
No, not the ice cream, but our ongoing struggles here.
We had organized our new rental house - everything was perfect. We just need to pay the deposit tomorrow. So Brad was frantically shopping online for beds, crockery and other essentials. He paid for the transaction, (a third of the total money we currently have available) but there was an error. He tried again, same error. So he checked the bank balance and found that the transaction was indeed processed - twice. The bank is holding two thirds of all our money in a "pending" status, but the order doesn't exist. And now we don't have money for the rental deposit tomorrow...
On the bright side, we are getting ready for Halloween this weekend. The kids have their costumes, and we went to a pumpkin patch today to pick out our pumpkins. It was quite cute, with little wagons to put your pumpkins on, and vintage tractors for the kids to play on. Nikhil had his heart set on a "gourd", a little miniature pumpkin about 10cm in diameter, so he got one of those too.
Then we took the kids to a neighbourhood park, and that reminded me why we moved to the States in the first place. The park was clean, safe, and well-maintained. The play area was paved with a spongy Astroturf-type material to minimize injury. The equipment was divided into a 2-5 year old area and a 5-12 year old area. There was a water fountain to play in, like the one in Nelson Mandela Square. All the parks in this city have these water features. The equipment was interesting and inventive and clean. The public toilets at the park were clean and usable! There was toilet paper! At the entrance to the park, there was a dispenser for dog-poop bags. Nikhil had to be dragged away.
We asked him what he thinks of our new home, the hotel room. He says he likes it, but it doesn't have stairs or a lounge. He got quite concerned today because his fishing rod is lost. We assured him it was not lost but in safekeeping with his grandfather, waiting for him to use when we go to South Africa for a visit. Well, now he wants to go to South Africa. He's also missing his hinged training chopsticks. He threw a tantrum when we gave him real chopsticks and broke the top to separate them - he wanted them joined like his old ones. We bought him a book of nursery rhymes that came with a CD. He treasures it because it's the only CD he has. No wonder he's being difficult - he's feeling his losses more acutely than he says.
Tomorrow is pumpkin carving night. Looking forward to it!
We had organized our new rental house - everything was perfect. We just need to pay the deposit tomorrow. So Brad was frantically shopping online for beds, crockery and other essentials. He paid for the transaction, (a third of the total money we currently have available) but there was an error. He tried again, same error. So he checked the bank balance and found that the transaction was indeed processed - twice. The bank is holding two thirds of all our money in a "pending" status, but the order doesn't exist. And now we don't have money for the rental deposit tomorrow...
On the bright side, we are getting ready for Halloween this weekend. The kids have their costumes, and we went to a pumpkin patch today to pick out our pumpkins. It was quite cute, with little wagons to put your pumpkins on, and vintage tractors for the kids to play on. Nikhil had his heart set on a "gourd", a little miniature pumpkin about 10cm in diameter, so he got one of those too.
Then we took the kids to a neighbourhood park, and that reminded me why we moved to the States in the first place. The park was clean, safe, and well-maintained. The play area was paved with a spongy Astroturf-type material to minimize injury. The equipment was divided into a 2-5 year old area and a 5-12 year old area. There was a water fountain to play in, like the one in Nelson Mandela Square. All the parks in this city have these water features. The equipment was interesting and inventive and clean. The public toilets at the park were clean and usable! There was toilet paper! At the entrance to the park, there was a dispenser for dog-poop bags. Nikhil had to be dragged away.
We asked him what he thinks of our new home, the hotel room. He says he likes it, but it doesn't have stairs or a lounge. He got quite concerned today because his fishing rod is lost. We assured him it was not lost but in safekeeping with his grandfather, waiting for him to use when we go to South Africa for a visit. Well, now he wants to go to South Africa. He's also missing his hinged training chopsticks. He threw a tantrum when we gave him real chopsticks and broke the top to separate them - he wanted them joined like his old ones. We bought him a book of nursery rhymes that came with a CD. He treasures it because it's the only CD he has. No wonder he's being difficult - he's feeling his losses more acutely than he says.
Tomorrow is pumpkin carving night. Looking forward to it!
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
The hotel, and first few days
After leaving the comfortable nest of the Benades' home, we checked into our hotel...
Quite a downer really.
It's... well, ADEQUATE. We have 2 double beds, hanging space, a bathroom that is clean and large enough, and a little kitchen with a microwave, filter coffee machine, fridge, and 2-plate cooker. But, it's soulless, and the ghosts of countless itinerant past occupants remain. And space is at a premium. We had to ask the ever-obliging Benades to store our suitcases while we stay here, and that made a huge difference.
The bedding is the worst bedding I have ever encountered in any place I have stayed in, paid for or free. It's not dirty, but the blankets are thin, rough and scratchy, and the "comforter" is of no comfort whatsoever. Today we are going out to buy blankets.
The toaster burns bread black within 5 seconds, and sets off the smoke alarm. There is a sign above it that threatens eviction after repeated false smoke alarms.
On the positive side, we found a lovely rental home yesterday! It's close to the Benades, close to shops, large and comfortable, with enough space for Oscar the dog AND a sizable vegetable garden. So we saw the rental agent and applied for our credit report. And that's where the next problem came in...
Both our credit ratings are excellent, except for the Virgin Mobile account that was opened fraudulently on my name in South Africa!!! AARRGGHH!! Does it never end? I thought I had that sorted out - they promised to clear my record, I registered as a victim of fraud with Fraud Protection Services, and I put it behind me. Only the credit regulators didn't. I'm worried this will impact on my ability to move my family to a comfortable home AND tarnish my reputation with my employer, who also does a credit check on me.
As for California, it's still feeling foreign to me, but in a better way than Georgia.
The people here are very friendly and open. Everywhere we go, people say "Hello!" with a smile in their voices, and it's not uncommon for us to walk past someone standing in a queue who will just make eye contact and smile at us. It feels like the place is full of shiny happy people having fun.
The supermarkets are full of exotic vegetables, and every conceivable prepared food. You can buy frozen cinnamon french toast sticks, to pop into the microwave for a quick breakfast. Or Cinnabon breakfast cereal, made of tiny dry Cinnabons!
The eggs are all white, like in the movies. The milk comes in huge gallon containers (3.8 litres) and the fridges are big enough to accommodate them in the doors. Root beer is a popular drink, although we've tried to steer clear of fast food places as much as possible.
The houses are all neat and well-maintained, and of course there are no fences or walls, or even security gates. You just walk up to the door and ring the door bell. The windows have insect screens, but no burglar bars. And I feel safe! We went to Borders yesterday (a book store) and I felt completely comfortable leaving Nikhil looking at some books while I walked around to the next aisle, leaving him out of sight. In South Africa I would have clutched his arm, constantly afraid that someone would come snatch him from right next to me (because it happened to people I know, not because I like being neurotic).
The kids are still adjusting. Ariane has turned into an eating machine, and screams constantly in her car seat unless she has food. Nikhil won't eat anything but a few bites of fruit, and pukes it up when we drive. Last night he fell asleep at the Benades with no nappy on, and wet the bed. Ariane refuses to be further than half a centimetre from my face, all day. It makes doing laundry challenging, among other things.
Speaking of which, laundry at the hotel costs $2 to wash and $2 to dry, plus detergent and dryer sheets. When Malissa heard that, she cut us a key to their house and instructed us to go over anytime and do our laundry while they're at work. God bless the Benades.
I went to my assigned pharmacy yesterday. Turns out I was never assigned there, and nobody knew I was coming, not even the district manager. Luckily, they were happy to have me and now I have to do a drug test and get my social security number. I should be working in about 4 weeks. I welcome the break - I really need some time to settle into this place.
I'm trying to relax and have fun, (as much as one can relax with a clingy baby and a puking toddler) but we're in the phase where everyone is checking on us, doing credit checks and background checks and drug tests. While I have nothing to hide, it brings out a sense of defensiveness in you to constantly have to prove that you're decent. And it makes it that much harder when you are tainted with wrongful credit issues and arrests.
But today I'm going to try and have fun. We're going shopping for Halloween outfits, I hope the kids enjoy that!
Quite a downer really.
It's... well, ADEQUATE. We have 2 double beds, hanging space, a bathroom that is clean and large enough, and a little kitchen with a microwave, filter coffee machine, fridge, and 2-plate cooker. But, it's soulless, and the ghosts of countless itinerant past occupants remain. And space is at a premium. We had to ask the ever-obliging Benades to store our suitcases while we stay here, and that made a huge difference.
The bedding is the worst bedding I have ever encountered in any place I have stayed in, paid for or free. It's not dirty, but the blankets are thin, rough and scratchy, and the "comforter" is of no comfort whatsoever. Today we are going out to buy blankets.
The toaster burns bread black within 5 seconds, and sets off the smoke alarm. There is a sign above it that threatens eviction after repeated false smoke alarms.
On the positive side, we found a lovely rental home yesterday! It's close to the Benades, close to shops, large and comfortable, with enough space for Oscar the dog AND a sizable vegetable garden. So we saw the rental agent and applied for our credit report. And that's where the next problem came in...
Both our credit ratings are excellent, except for the Virgin Mobile account that was opened fraudulently on my name in South Africa!!! AARRGGHH!! Does it never end? I thought I had that sorted out - they promised to clear my record, I registered as a victim of fraud with Fraud Protection Services, and I put it behind me. Only the credit regulators didn't. I'm worried this will impact on my ability to move my family to a comfortable home AND tarnish my reputation with my employer, who also does a credit check on me.
As for California, it's still feeling foreign to me, but in a better way than Georgia.
The people here are very friendly and open. Everywhere we go, people say "Hello!" with a smile in their voices, and it's not uncommon for us to walk past someone standing in a queue who will just make eye contact and smile at us. It feels like the place is full of shiny happy people having fun.
The supermarkets are full of exotic vegetables, and every conceivable prepared food. You can buy frozen cinnamon french toast sticks, to pop into the microwave for a quick breakfast. Or Cinnabon breakfast cereal, made of tiny dry Cinnabons!
The eggs are all white, like in the movies. The milk comes in huge gallon containers (3.8 litres) and the fridges are big enough to accommodate them in the doors. Root beer is a popular drink, although we've tried to steer clear of fast food places as much as possible.
The houses are all neat and well-maintained, and of course there are no fences or walls, or even security gates. You just walk up to the door and ring the door bell. The windows have insect screens, but no burglar bars. And I feel safe! We went to Borders yesterday (a book store) and I felt completely comfortable leaving Nikhil looking at some books while I walked around to the next aisle, leaving him out of sight. In South Africa I would have clutched his arm, constantly afraid that someone would come snatch him from right next to me (because it happened to people I know, not because I like being neurotic).
The kids are still adjusting. Ariane has turned into an eating machine, and screams constantly in her car seat unless she has food. Nikhil won't eat anything but a few bites of fruit, and pukes it up when we drive. Last night he fell asleep at the Benades with no nappy on, and wet the bed. Ariane refuses to be further than half a centimetre from my face, all day. It makes doing laundry challenging, among other things.
Speaking of which, laundry at the hotel costs $2 to wash and $2 to dry, plus detergent and dryer sheets. When Malissa heard that, she cut us a key to their house and instructed us to go over anytime and do our laundry while they're at work. God bless the Benades.
I went to my assigned pharmacy yesterday. Turns out I was never assigned there, and nobody knew I was coming, not even the district manager. Luckily, they were happy to have me and now I have to do a drug test and get my social security number. I should be working in about 4 weeks. I welcome the break - I really need some time to settle into this place.
I'm trying to relax and have fun, (as much as one can relax with a clingy baby and a puking toddler) but we're in the phase where everyone is checking on us, doing credit checks and background checks and drug tests. While I have nothing to hide, it brings out a sense of defensiveness in you to constantly have to prove that you're decent. And it makes it that much harder when you are tainted with wrongful credit issues and arrests.
But today I'm going to try and have fun. We're going shopping for Halloween outfits, I hope the kids enjoy that!
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Welcome to America!
We arrived in Sacramento at about 10:30pm on Friday night.
We were met at the airport by our friends Jason and Malissa and baby Christian. They were holding up a big banner saying "Welcome to your new home in America!". After the physical and emotional upheavals of the past 33 hours, it was all I could do to keep from bursting into tears.
And from that point on, we just sat back and let these angels carry us for the next two days. And angels they have been.
They took us to their home, where they had prepared a king's welcome for us. The bed was fresh and clean and comfortable; the bathroom was stocked with towels and toiletries and bubble bath! They let us spread our luggage out in their dining room, and boy did we make a mess!
They made us a time capsule with the week's newspaper and current Time magazine. They cooked us good, healthy delicious meals and never once let us wash a dish. They even bought us Halloween decor to help make our new home more inviting. They offered to lend us Christian's clothes when I couldn't find Ariane's. They took us shopping, they gave us the low down on the area. They didn't mind when I fell asleep on the couch and missed dinner, or when the kids woke up at 1am and played in the lounge, setting the dogs barking. They bought our kids toys because they'd left all theirs back in South Africa. They let us phone home from their mobile phones.
They received our kids' car seats ahead of our arrival and set them up in their own cars. They let us use their address for everything we needed. And when we left their house to move into our hotel, they raided their pantry and gave us groceries, and towels and drinking glasses and Ziploc bags and pens and paper and all the things we would need to make our lives a little easier.
We've been truly blessed to have such supportive people here to take of us like the babies that we are. One day we hope we will find a way to say thank you in a way that truly expresses how grateful we are to them, because words fall far too short. Thanks, Jason and Malissa - we are forever grateful to you!
We were met at the airport by our friends Jason and Malissa and baby Christian. They were holding up a big banner saying "Welcome to your new home in America!". After the physical and emotional upheavals of the past 33 hours, it was all I could do to keep from bursting into tears.
And from that point on, we just sat back and let these angels carry us for the next two days. And angels they have been.
They took us to their home, where they had prepared a king's welcome for us. The bed was fresh and clean and comfortable; the bathroom was stocked with towels and toiletries and bubble bath! They let us spread our luggage out in their dining room, and boy did we make a mess!
They made us a time capsule with the week's newspaper and current Time magazine. They cooked us good, healthy delicious meals and never once let us wash a dish. They even bought us Halloween decor to help make our new home more inviting. They offered to lend us Christian's clothes when I couldn't find Ariane's. They took us shopping, they gave us the low down on the area. They didn't mind when I fell asleep on the couch and missed dinner, or when the kids woke up at 1am and played in the lounge, setting the dogs barking. They bought our kids toys because they'd left all theirs back in South Africa. They let us phone home from their mobile phones.
They received our kids' car seats ahead of our arrival and set them up in their own cars. They let us use their address for everything we needed. And when we left their house to move into our hotel, they raided their pantry and gave us groceries, and towels and drinking glasses and Ziploc bags and pens and paper and all the things we would need to make our lives a little easier.
We've been truly blessed to have such supportive people here to take of us like the babies that we are. One day we hope we will find a way to say thank you in a way that truly expresses how grateful we are to them, because words fall far too short. Thanks, Jason and Malissa - we are forever grateful to you!
The journey to California
We've been in California for 3 days now. So much has happened, I've resolved to keep a journal of it all on this blog.
I'm just going to be honest and pour out my experiences here - please don't pity me, judge me, or think that I'm considering going back to South Africa if I mention something I don't like!
We left on Thursday evening - it was chaotic. We just managed to shove the last few things into our suitcases before leaving the house half-full and in a mess for our parents and siblings to clean up. We still managed to forget a few essentials, like melatonin for the journey and jetlag, and Brad's electric shaver.
The flight to Atlanta started off well. Ariane slept in her sky cot, leaving me with 2 free arms to eat. Nikhil actually ate some supper, and curled up into his economy class seat and slept. And I managed to get a couple of hours' shut eye before Ariane woke up. Predictably, she didn't allow me put her down again, so I gave up all hope of any more sleep.
We arrived in Atlanta to the the typical Southern drawl of porters. It was like walking into a movie. After getting a super-sized trolley for our luggage, we rechecked it in and made our way to our rental car. It took 2 high-speed trains to get there, which were very impressive.
We found ourselves a family restroom and freshened up. We were already exhausted and at the end of our tethers at this stage, but we had 17 hours to go before we reached California.
Atlanta was quite a disappointment. It may have had something to do with how terrible we were feeling physically. Or maybe it had something to do with the fact that our rented GPS wasn't up to date and got us lost in a dodgy part of town.
Perhaps it was because the kids were livid at being taken out of an airplane after 16 hours and being put back into car seats. They screamed, they cried, they tore our hearts out. Ariane was hungry, and all I had was a packet of two crackers saved from the plane for just such an emergency. I kept handing her broken up pieces of cracker to try to keep the tears at bay. The crackers were eaten and still we couldn't find a place to get food.
Eventually we stopped at a gas station to buy water and make them some bottles of milk. I'll never forget the smell as I walked into the gas station store - a combination of diesel, dust, grime and stagnation. It was so foreign and so strongly unexpected - it brought home the fact that I was in a foreign country.
We finally found our way to the Atlanta Zoo - so well-marketed on the internet, but in reality a tiny little zoo with very few attractions. We thought Nikhil would have been enchanted by the pandas (he's loving pandas at the moment) but he looked at them once and then dissolved into tears because he wanted us to buy him a red car... and not one red car in sight! All in all though, it was good to get out of the airport and spend some time under the trees in the sunlight instead of whiling away 12 hours in the airport.
Nikhil had a meltdown when we told him we were going back to the airport to get on another plane. Ariane followed suit - crying because her brother was. To make matters worse, the airline had assigned us all separate seats, expecting Nikhil to sit on his own! The unhelpful cabin crew left us to deal with the situation, and a very selfish woman refused to swap seats with Brad so he could sit with Nikhil. In the end Brad sat with Nikhil on his lap in the cramped little plane. That's strictly against airline regulations, because Nikhil wouldn't have had access to an oxygen mask in the event of an emergency. But Delta was making it clear they couldn't care less.
And five long hours later, we were finally in Sacramento! I'm praying I don't have to make that trip again soon!
I'm just going to be honest and pour out my experiences here - please don't pity me, judge me, or think that I'm considering going back to South Africa if I mention something I don't like!
We left on Thursday evening - it was chaotic. We just managed to shove the last few things into our suitcases before leaving the house half-full and in a mess for our parents and siblings to clean up. We still managed to forget a few essentials, like melatonin for the journey and jetlag, and Brad's electric shaver.
The flight to Atlanta started off well. Ariane slept in her sky cot, leaving me with 2 free arms to eat. Nikhil actually ate some supper, and curled up into his economy class seat and slept. And I managed to get a couple of hours' shut eye before Ariane woke up. Predictably, she didn't allow me put her down again, so I gave up all hope of any more sleep.
We arrived in Atlanta to the the typical Southern drawl of porters. It was like walking into a movie. After getting a super-sized trolley for our luggage, we rechecked it in and made our way to our rental car. It took 2 high-speed trains to get there, which were very impressive.
We found ourselves a family restroom and freshened up. We were already exhausted and at the end of our tethers at this stage, but we had 17 hours to go before we reached California.
Atlanta was quite a disappointment. It may have had something to do with how terrible we were feeling physically. Or maybe it had something to do with the fact that our rented GPS wasn't up to date and got us lost in a dodgy part of town.
Perhaps it was because the kids were livid at being taken out of an airplane after 16 hours and being put back into car seats. They screamed, they cried, they tore our hearts out. Ariane was hungry, and all I had was a packet of two crackers saved from the plane for just such an emergency. I kept handing her broken up pieces of cracker to try to keep the tears at bay. The crackers were eaten and still we couldn't find a place to get food.
Eventually we stopped at a gas station to buy water and make them some bottles of milk. I'll never forget the smell as I walked into the gas station store - a combination of diesel, dust, grime and stagnation. It was so foreign and so strongly unexpected - it brought home the fact that I was in a foreign country.
We finally found our way to the Atlanta Zoo - so well-marketed on the internet, but in reality a tiny little zoo with very few attractions. We thought Nikhil would have been enchanted by the pandas (he's loving pandas at the moment) but he looked at them once and then dissolved into tears because he wanted us to buy him a red car... and not one red car in sight! All in all though, it was good to get out of the airport and spend some time under the trees in the sunlight instead of whiling away 12 hours in the airport.
Nikhil had a meltdown when we told him we were going back to the airport to get on another plane. Ariane followed suit - crying because her brother was. To make matters worse, the airline had assigned us all separate seats, expecting Nikhil to sit on his own! The unhelpful cabin crew left us to deal with the situation, and a very selfish woman refused to swap seats with Brad so he could sit with Nikhil. In the end Brad sat with Nikhil on his lap in the cramped little plane. That's strictly against airline regulations, because Nikhil wouldn't have had access to an oxygen mask in the event of an emergency. But Delta was making it clear they couldn't care less.
And five long hours later, we were finally in Sacramento! I'm praying I don't have to make that trip again soon!
Monday, October 18, 2010
Last day of work!
Tomorrow is my last day at work - I hand in my car, phone and everything.
Things are really starting to look sparse here. I packed up all the kids' toys today, to give to someone at work for his child.
Most of the furniture is gone, most of the cupboards are empty.
I've had lots of farewells - too many for comfort. I had a farewell lunch from my team, and the next day a tea at the office. My close friends threw us a party, then we had a farewell book club meeting, a farewell from Brad's side of the family, and the big one my sister organised for friends and my side of the family. And tomorrow some more friends are coming over for a "last supper". All these people keep saying "See you at the airport!", like they didn't get my memo that I don't want anyone at the airport.
I went to Woolies today to get some food. It was so weird, shopping for only 2 days.
The kids are still miserable and wake up frequently, making a noise and keeping us awake. I don't know how we'll survive 2 nights at our friends' place - they have a small baby and my children are going to cause havoc!
I keep trying to tick things off my to-do list, but the next time I look, it's grown longer by a few inches! I'm really worried we'll be getting on the plane and still shouting instructions to our parents: "Don't forget to take the meat from the freezer! Please go close my bank accounts! Let us know when you've sold our car!..."
I still haven't had a chance to sit down and reflect on how cool it'll be when we get to the States. I'm just dealing with the heaviness of the goodbyes for now, and trying to get everything done by Thursday. Once I get on the plane, I'll try to put it all behind me and focus on the future. It'll be hard to forget how much our parents will miss us and the kids though...
Things are really starting to look sparse here. I packed up all the kids' toys today, to give to someone at work for his child.
Most of the furniture is gone, most of the cupboards are empty.
I've had lots of farewells - too many for comfort. I had a farewell lunch from my team, and the next day a tea at the office. My close friends threw us a party, then we had a farewell book club meeting, a farewell from Brad's side of the family, and the big one my sister organised for friends and my side of the family. And tomorrow some more friends are coming over for a "last supper". All these people keep saying "See you at the airport!", like they didn't get my memo that I don't want anyone at the airport.
I went to Woolies today to get some food. It was so weird, shopping for only 2 days.
The kids are still miserable and wake up frequently, making a noise and keeping us awake. I don't know how we'll survive 2 nights at our friends' place - they have a small baby and my children are going to cause havoc!
I keep trying to tick things off my to-do list, but the next time I look, it's grown longer by a few inches! I'm really worried we'll be getting on the plane and still shouting instructions to our parents: "Don't forget to take the meat from the freezer! Please go close my bank accounts! Let us know when you've sold our car!..."
I still haven't had a chance to sit down and reflect on how cool it'll be when we get to the States. I'm just dealing with the heaviness of the goodbyes for now, and trying to get everything done by Thursday. Once I get on the plane, I'll try to put it all behind me and focus on the future. It'll be hard to forget how much our parents will miss us and the kids though...
Saturday, October 9, 2010
We're finally going to California!
Oh. My. Word. We're going to America!
It's so unbelievable, after the endless wait, the setbacks at every step of the process, the painfully slow pace of everything.
For the past 18 months, since we came back from our recon trip, all we've been doing is dreaming and fantasizing about our new life there, and putting our life here on hold - no big purchases, no unnecessary spending, no long-term plans. Finally we can exhale and start living.
We went to get our visas stamped on Friday at the US Embassy. There was a problem with my police clearance (abusive cops led to wrongful arrest, charges withdrawn in court... slack lawyer didn't ensure charges were withdrawn properly, recorded as "conviction" on my file) and I was pretty sure our visa would be denied because of it. I was just one tightly wound spring on Friday morning - I have never been so close to puking for purely emotional reasons. When the interview was over and we were told the visas were granted, I couldn't help dissolving into tears. And then I had to walk past the entire waiting area to get to the bathroom and compose myself...
The rest of the day was spent getting flights, handing in my resignation at work, and phoning family and friends to tell them we were leaving in less than 2 weeks.
My sister has planned a farewell party for us. It's going to be hard saying goodbye to everyone, but I think the hardest thing will be watching Nikhil saying goodbye to Brad's father. They have an unnaturally close relationship, it will be a heartbreaking farewell between the two of them.
And then we'll be off! If the kids keep behaving the way they have been over the past few days, we're in for one difficult journey. Maybe they sense our tension and nervousness, because they've been niggly and crabby and restless for days - they both wake up often at night, screaming and inconsolable. We really need to sort that out before we leave.
We have a 12-hour stopover in Atlanta on our way to Sacramento. We're hiring a car and going out to the Atlanta Zoo. I'm quite looking forward to that. Then we arrive at 10pm in Sacramento, and our good friends will fetch us from the airport. We'll stay with them for the weekend before booking into our long stay hotel a few minutes' drive away.
Our house is slowly being emptied out. Our bedroom furniture is gone already - we're living out of suitcases. Soon Nikhil's bed will be gone, and we'll all be cuddling up on one bed... it's all part of the adventure. We'd better get used to it - it'll be like this for the next 2-3 months.
It's so unbelievable, after the endless wait, the setbacks at every step of the process, the painfully slow pace of everything.
For the past 18 months, since we came back from our recon trip, all we've been doing is dreaming and fantasizing about our new life there, and putting our life here on hold - no big purchases, no unnecessary spending, no long-term plans. Finally we can exhale and start living.
We went to get our visas stamped on Friday at the US Embassy. There was a problem with my police clearance (abusive cops led to wrongful arrest, charges withdrawn in court... slack lawyer didn't ensure charges were withdrawn properly, recorded as "conviction" on my file) and I was pretty sure our visa would be denied because of it. I was just one tightly wound spring on Friday morning - I have never been so close to puking for purely emotional reasons. When the interview was over and we were told the visas were granted, I couldn't help dissolving into tears. And then I had to walk past the entire waiting area to get to the bathroom and compose myself...
The rest of the day was spent getting flights, handing in my resignation at work, and phoning family and friends to tell them we were leaving in less than 2 weeks.
My sister has planned a farewell party for us. It's going to be hard saying goodbye to everyone, but I think the hardest thing will be watching Nikhil saying goodbye to Brad's father. They have an unnaturally close relationship, it will be a heartbreaking farewell between the two of them.
And then we'll be off! If the kids keep behaving the way they have been over the past few days, we're in for one difficult journey. Maybe they sense our tension and nervousness, because they've been niggly and crabby and restless for days - they both wake up often at night, screaming and inconsolable. We really need to sort that out before we leave.
We have a 12-hour stopover in Atlanta on our way to Sacramento. We're hiring a car and going out to the Atlanta Zoo. I'm quite looking forward to that. Then we arrive at 10pm in Sacramento, and our good friends will fetch us from the airport. We'll stay with them for the weekend before booking into our long stay hotel a few minutes' drive away.
Our house is slowly being emptied out. Our bedroom furniture is gone already - we're living out of suitcases. Soon Nikhil's bed will be gone, and we'll all be cuddling up on one bed... it's all part of the adventure. We'd better get used to it - it'll be like this for the next 2-3 months.
Friday, September 3, 2010
And we wait...
We were supposed to have been emigrating this month. If everything had gone as planned since April this year, we would have been leaving on the 20th of September.
But nothing has gone as planned with this emigration process. Sometimes I wonder if the Universe actually wants us to do this, because we have had obstacles at every step of the process. No matter how prepared and diligent we were, things have just been going wrong all along - information not disclosed to us, leading us to miss a deadline; overly-relaxed clerks sending our documentation in late; a bizarre police arrest causing problems with my police clearance; an unprecedented delay at the visa processing office... It goes on and on.
In the meantime, Brad has left the corporate world, for the foreseeable future. The day he left work, I surprised him with a "Mr.Mom" party to mark this momentous life-changing event.
He's been easing into his role very nicely, I'm glad to report. Although he doesn't make me breakfast or packed lunches, as he'd promised, I do come home to a cooked dinner and well-fed kids every evening. It's a big load off my mind, and such a pleasant surprise every time, considering that his cooking leaves nothing to be desired. I do feel like quite a lucky little ducky.
So our home life has shifted gears quite suddenly. Before Brad became Mr. Mom, I would phone him during the day and he'd be busy working on a spec, coming out of a meeting, or about to do a presentation to the board. These days I'll phone and the conversation will go something like this:
Me: Hi. Whatya doing?
Brad: Preparing dinner. And working out our budget for when we emigrate. Do you realize how much we need to put away for retirement savings if you retire at age 65?
And I'm building Nikhil's train track. And just surfing some model plane stuff...
Me:Really? You're doing all that? Right now? You're not at work anymore, you know. You can relax. What's for dinner?
Brad: I am relaxed. Dinner is chicken stuffed with basil and sun-dried tomatoes, served with fresh asparagus and minted peas. Rosemary roast potatoes for starch. And I was thinking of making - NIKHIL! Don't do that! NOOOoooo! Roms, I'll call you back.
Me:What's happening? Brad? Brad...?
When I get home, to a deliciously aromatic house, the kids are thrilled to see me, but in a good way. Not the desperate, relieved, attention-starved way they used to be. They don't demand that I pick them both up (high heels still pinching my feet) and not put them down till they've drunk up as much of me as they need (usually about 20 minutes worth). Then I try and stand still in one place as Brad whizzes around me doing ... well, STUFF, in his supposedly relaxed way. I'm starting to feel like I really get in his way, when he tears about the house and keeps bumping into me. I get quite dizzy just watching him (and no, I'm not talking about that Y-shaped torso...;))
Today I met Brad at the mall during my work day. We made quite a pair - he in jeans and sneakers, with a backpack for Ariane's bottle and diapers, and me in a pencil skirt and silk shirt with a sleek handbag (my "serious look"). Considering Ariane looks distinctly more like his daughter, I suppose I could have looked like his inter-racial extra-marital dalliance.
We went on a little holiday to the Champagne Valley in the Drakensberg. It was supposed to be our recharging session before coming back to our serious emigration plans... Oh, well, false start.
But what a beautiful place, and what a perfect holiday, made all the more special by memories of our good friends' wedding there 3 years ago.
It seems the children made great leaps in development during those 5 days of undivided attention from us. Nikhil now refuses to wear a diaper during the day, and even asks for underwear at night (but he's really not ready for that). He also made a big leap in his conversational skills, and just seems to have gotten over that "Terrible Twos" phase. We don't fight as much, there's less to argue about, he's just generally more settled.
Ariane started climbing all over everything, quite fearlessly. And she's started pointing at objects and excitedly going "Whoo, whoo, whoo!" so you name them for her. She was fascinated by 2 pictures of birds above our bed. I would say "Bird" and she would go "Buh! Buh!". One morning she actually said "Buh! Duh!" but I couldn't get her to connect them. It didn't stop me from getting ridiculously excited, though.
Now we're back home and the wait feels interminable. Fortunately spring has arrived in all it's glory, bringing with it all the hope and optimism we need. Let's hope our visa arrives before summer wilts our spirits again...
But nothing has gone as planned with this emigration process. Sometimes I wonder if the Universe actually wants us to do this, because we have had obstacles at every step of the process. No matter how prepared and diligent we were, things have just been going wrong all along - information not disclosed to us, leading us to miss a deadline; overly-relaxed clerks sending our documentation in late; a bizarre police arrest causing problems with my police clearance; an unprecedented delay at the visa processing office... It goes on and on.
In the meantime, Brad has left the corporate world, for the foreseeable future. The day he left work, I surprised him with a "Mr.Mom" party to mark this momentous life-changing event.
He's been easing into his role very nicely, I'm glad to report. Although he doesn't make me breakfast or packed lunches, as he'd promised, I do come home to a cooked dinner and well-fed kids every evening. It's a big load off my mind, and such a pleasant surprise every time, considering that his cooking leaves nothing to be desired. I do feel like quite a lucky little ducky.
So our home life has shifted gears quite suddenly. Before Brad became Mr. Mom, I would phone him during the day and he'd be busy working on a spec, coming out of a meeting, or about to do a presentation to the board. These days I'll phone and the conversation will go something like this:
Me: Hi. Whatya doing?
Brad: Preparing dinner. And working out our budget for when we emigrate. Do you realize how much we need to put away for retirement savings if you retire at age 65?
And I'm building Nikhil's train track. And just surfing some model plane stuff...
Me:Really? You're doing all that? Right now? You're not at work anymore, you know. You can relax. What's for dinner?
Brad: I am relaxed. Dinner is chicken stuffed with basil and sun-dried tomatoes, served with fresh asparagus and minted peas. Rosemary roast potatoes for starch. And I was thinking of making - NIKHIL! Don't do that! NOOOoooo! Roms, I'll call you back.
Me:What's happening? Brad? Brad...?
When I get home, to a deliciously aromatic house, the kids are thrilled to see me, but in a good way. Not the desperate, relieved, attention-starved way they used to be. They don't demand that I pick them both up (high heels still pinching my feet) and not put them down till they've drunk up as much of me as they need (usually about 20 minutes worth). Then I try and stand still in one place as Brad whizzes around me doing ... well, STUFF, in his supposedly relaxed way. I'm starting to feel like I really get in his way, when he tears about the house and keeps bumping into me. I get quite dizzy just watching him (and no, I'm not talking about that Y-shaped torso...;))
Today I met Brad at the mall during my work day. We made quite a pair - he in jeans and sneakers, with a backpack for Ariane's bottle and diapers, and me in a pencil skirt and silk shirt with a sleek handbag (my "serious look"). Considering Ariane looks distinctly more like his daughter, I suppose I could have looked like his inter-racial extra-marital dalliance.
We went on a little holiday to the Champagne Valley in the Drakensberg. It was supposed to be our recharging session before coming back to our serious emigration plans... Oh, well, false start.
But what a beautiful place, and what a perfect holiday, made all the more special by memories of our good friends' wedding there 3 years ago.
It seems the children made great leaps in development during those 5 days of undivided attention from us. Nikhil now refuses to wear a diaper during the day, and even asks for underwear at night (but he's really not ready for that). He also made a big leap in his conversational skills, and just seems to have gotten over that "Terrible Twos" phase. We don't fight as much, there's less to argue about, he's just generally more settled.
Ariane started climbing all over everything, quite fearlessly. And she's started pointing at objects and excitedly going "Whoo, whoo, whoo!" so you name them for her. She was fascinated by 2 pictures of birds above our bed. I would say "Bird" and she would go "Buh! Buh!". One morning she actually said "Buh! Duh!" but I couldn't get her to connect them. It didn't stop me from getting ridiculously excited, though.
Now we're back home and the wait feels interminable. Fortunately spring has arrived in all it's glory, bringing with it all the hope and optimism we need. Let's hope our visa arrives before summer wilts our spirits again...
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Great reading website
If you are (or will be) teaching your child to read, do yourself a favour and go to www.starfall.com - it is an excellent site with programs that teach reading, right from the alphabet, through phonetics, to fluent reading. It also has loads of other lessons like calendars and stuff.
Just another reason I am addicted to the Internet.
Just another reason I am addicted to the Internet.
Friday, March 12, 2010
Eating out on a budget
So with Velcro Baby and Moanbag Boy making my afternoons, well, INTERESTING, I've had to devise new ways of cooking. Whereas the requirements for a good meal used to be nutritional completeness, tastiness, variety and presentation, these days I choose meals based on their ability to be cooked with one hand.
Fresh asparagus with lemon butter sauce (made from scratch) has been replaced with frozen broccoli, tenderly steamed in the microwave. Line fish baked on a bed of tri-coloured vegetables with a Moroccan rub has been replaced with frozen Grill Bakes, ceremoniously arranged on a baking tray and lovingly baked in the oven. You get the picture.
Some nights, though, I just can't bear the thought of cooking so lavishly, so we eat out. Out of cans, that is.
Not that I ever allow my family's grand dinners to become boring or uninspiring. So here, for your culinary and gastronomic delight, I will share one of my favourite Eating Out ideas.
Authentic Indian Bean Curry
Put baby down with a toy. Now QUICKLY, open up 2 cans of butterbeans and one can of tomato puree or chopped tomatoes. As baby starts to complain, pour a little oil in a pan and switch stove on, while stalling by singing a nursery rhyme.
When baby wails indignantly, pick her up. Rush and pull toddler away from stove, where he has managed to drag a chair and is about to "help you cook".
Install toddler at cutlery drawer. With baby on one hip, drain butterbeans, and take chopped garlic out of fridge. While you're at it, get the onion out.
Put baby in crib in front of mobile. Now QUICKLY, chop onion and wash hands straight away. As baby begins to complain, sing another nursery rhyme and chuck the onions and garlic into the hot oil. When baby wails, pick her up and shout at toddler for digging in the garden soil with the kitchen utensils. Install toddler in front of sink and let him "wash his hands".
With baby on left hip, turn right side towards stove and stir onions. Now add some masala (NOT anything called "curry powder", please, people) and feel momentarily guilty for overwhelming your baby with such pungent odours. Put it down to olfactory stimulation and move on.
When masala smells roasted (about 15-30 seconds) throw in the drained beans and tomatoes. If you have some tomato paste, now would be a good time to add it. Rescue the bottle of dishwashing liquid from your toddler, who is "blowing bubbles".
Stir curry, cover and allow to cook for 10-15 minutes. As husband pulls into garage, whip off your apron, untie your hair and sniff your armpits. Greet him with a smile and the inviting aroma of a home-cooked meal.
Serve bean curry with fresh white bread, or roti from Pick 'n Pay. Apologise for lack of salt, sprinkle some on top, and enjoy with a glass of red wine.
Fresh asparagus with lemon butter sauce (made from scratch) has been replaced with frozen broccoli, tenderly steamed in the microwave. Line fish baked on a bed of tri-coloured vegetables with a Moroccan rub has been replaced with frozen Grill Bakes, ceremoniously arranged on a baking tray and lovingly baked in the oven. You get the picture.
Some nights, though, I just can't bear the thought of cooking so lavishly, so we eat out. Out of cans, that is.
Not that I ever allow my family's grand dinners to become boring or uninspiring. So here, for your culinary and gastronomic delight, I will share one of my favourite Eating Out ideas.
Authentic Indian Bean Curry
Put baby down with a toy. Now QUICKLY, open up 2 cans of butterbeans and one can of tomato puree or chopped tomatoes. As baby starts to complain, pour a little oil in a pan and switch stove on, while stalling by singing a nursery rhyme.
When baby wails indignantly, pick her up. Rush and pull toddler away from stove, where he has managed to drag a chair and is about to "help you cook".
Install toddler at cutlery drawer. With baby on one hip, drain butterbeans, and take chopped garlic out of fridge. While you're at it, get the onion out.
Put baby in crib in front of mobile. Now QUICKLY, chop onion and wash hands straight away. As baby begins to complain, sing another nursery rhyme and chuck the onions and garlic into the hot oil. When baby wails, pick her up and shout at toddler for digging in the garden soil with the kitchen utensils. Install toddler in front of sink and let him "wash his hands".
With baby on left hip, turn right side towards stove and stir onions. Now add some masala (NOT anything called "curry powder", please, people) and feel momentarily guilty for overwhelming your baby with such pungent odours. Put it down to olfactory stimulation and move on.
When masala smells roasted (about 15-30 seconds) throw in the drained beans and tomatoes. If you have some tomato paste, now would be a good time to add it. Rescue the bottle of dishwashing liquid from your toddler, who is "blowing bubbles".
Stir curry, cover and allow to cook for 10-15 minutes. As husband pulls into garage, whip off your apron, untie your hair and sniff your armpits. Greet him with a smile and the inviting aroma of a home-cooked meal.
Serve bean curry with fresh white bread, or roti from Pick 'n Pay. Apologise for lack of salt, sprinkle some on top, and enjoy with a glass of red wine.
Friday, March 5, 2010
Lessons from Nikhil
Sure, I've learnt things through Nikhil before - how to change a nappy, hold a baby, exercise self-restraint. But now that We Are Two, the lessons he's teaching me are less physical. Harder to learn - requiring much more introspection.
When we're in the midst of a heated battle of wills, it's a shocking, humbling experience to realise that I can be wrong and my 2 year old can be right.
I suppose I had assumed that I was the authority on life, having 28 years more experience than him, and that this allowed me to dole out instructions to everything, from what to eat, to where to stand. This week Nikhil taught me that he is a person in his own right, with feelings and opinions, and that he can make his own decisions about what to touch and what toys he wants to play with, for example.
The other morning, I was rushing around trying to get him ready for his very first day at School. He was not co-operating, being unaccustomed to waking up at the ungodly hour of 6am, and I was feeling rushed and emotional, sending my little boy off to school. I packed his mid-morning snack box and put it in the lounge while I prepared my own breakfast and lunch, mentally registering that I had to leave the house in 6 minutes, and I still hadn't eaten, done my hair and makeup, or packed Nikhil's spare change of clothes and on-the-go breakfast.
At which point I looked up and discovered that Nikhil had eaten his mid-morning snack. "NO!" I shouted. "Don't eat that now! That's for school! You must eat your breakfast now. Now I have to re-pack your snack!" He walked over to me, stood up straight, looked me in the eye and said "No! Don't talk to me hard!" I had to suppress a smile, but I managed to correct his language with a straight face, and now his response to every rebuke is "Don't shout at me mommy!"
The next night, I had battled through two and a half hours of traffic with both Nikhil and Ariane in the car, screaming in hypoglycemic, over-tired frustration all the way home. It was all I could do to stop myself from losing control and screaming too. At home, my phone rang and Nikhil immediately grabbed it. In my agitated state, I grabbed his hand and said "Leave it!". Sometimes it would be nice to just do one thing, like answer your phone, without having to fight your toddler. But, a battle did ensue, ending with the phone falling to the ground, the battery coming out, and me losing the call. That was the proverbial last straw, and I burst out, "Do you see why I don't want you to touch my phone? Now it's broken!"
The emotional outrage that issued from him caught me off-guard. It's hard to describe in words. It was like a 16-year-old had entered his little body, and with precocious maturity and adult facial expressions, he said "Don't SHOUT at me! DON'T shout at me!" In that moment, he was not a two-year-old throwing a tantrum in front of a mother who was shaking her head. He was a person asserting his right to be spoken to respectfully and with dignity, in front of an errant and ignorant first-time mom. It was not him imitating someone else - those expressions were all his own - he had an intrinsic idea of who he is, what he wants to do, and how he should be treated. I gaped, astounded, and quietly said, "I'm sorry."
Later that night we lay in bed, playing out our nightly ritual - I lie next to him and hold him, and he holds his teddy in the crook of one arm, bottle of milk in the other hand, and the teddy-side hand playing with my "boobs" (his word). In the soothing quietness, I looked at his big eyes and impossibly long eyelashes and was overcome with tenderness for this beautiful child. I resolved to be more patient with him and try to control my temper more effectively.
"I'm not going to fight with you anymore," I said, more to confirm it for myself than for him. "I don't like it when we fight, and I'm not going to shout at you anymore." He blinked, sucked on his bottle, and carried on looking straight up at the ceiling. I thought he just didn't understand what I meant, but I felt better for saying it anyway. Then he said, "And I'm not going to cry at you anymore mommy." For a second time that night, I was gobsmacked. I'd just made a truce with my baby! That feeling is indescribable. And I hadn't expected to feel it for the next 3 years at least.
I'm learning that everything about being a parent is bittersweet. I'm so glad that Nikhil can stand up and demand respect for himself, but I'm so sad for all the times I've treated him like an object without a will of his own. I'm sorry for all the times I've lost my temper, and all the times I will lose it in the future. I'm glad he taught me a lesson, but I'm sad I didn't know it in the first place. I'm sorry for all the other mistakes I will make over his lifetime, but most of all I'm glad that he's going to be okay, no matter how many mistakes I make and what situations he finds himself in.
When we're in the midst of a heated battle of wills, it's a shocking, humbling experience to realise that I can be wrong and my 2 year old can be right.
I suppose I had assumed that I was the authority on life, having 28 years more experience than him, and that this allowed me to dole out instructions to everything, from what to eat, to where to stand. This week Nikhil taught me that he is a person in his own right, with feelings and opinions, and that he can make his own decisions about what to touch and what toys he wants to play with, for example.
The other morning, I was rushing around trying to get him ready for his very first day at School. He was not co-operating, being unaccustomed to waking up at the ungodly hour of 6am, and I was feeling rushed and emotional, sending my little boy off to school. I packed his mid-morning snack box and put it in the lounge while I prepared my own breakfast and lunch, mentally registering that I had to leave the house in 6 minutes, and I still hadn't eaten, done my hair and makeup, or packed Nikhil's spare change of clothes and on-the-go breakfast.
At which point I looked up and discovered that Nikhil had eaten his mid-morning snack. "NO!" I shouted. "Don't eat that now! That's for school! You must eat your breakfast now. Now I have to re-pack your snack!" He walked over to me, stood up straight, looked me in the eye and said "No! Don't talk to me hard!" I had to suppress a smile, but I managed to correct his language with a straight face, and now his response to every rebuke is "Don't shout at me mommy!"
The next night, I had battled through two and a half hours of traffic with both Nikhil and Ariane in the car, screaming in hypoglycemic, over-tired frustration all the way home. It was all I could do to stop myself from losing control and screaming too. At home, my phone rang and Nikhil immediately grabbed it. In my agitated state, I grabbed his hand and said "Leave it!". Sometimes it would be nice to just do one thing, like answer your phone, without having to fight your toddler. But, a battle did ensue, ending with the phone falling to the ground, the battery coming out, and me losing the call. That was the proverbial last straw, and I burst out, "Do you see why I don't want you to touch my phone? Now it's broken!"
The emotional outrage that issued from him caught me off-guard. It's hard to describe in words. It was like a 16-year-old had entered his little body, and with precocious maturity and adult facial expressions, he said "Don't SHOUT at me! DON'T shout at me!" In that moment, he was not a two-year-old throwing a tantrum in front of a mother who was shaking her head. He was a person asserting his right to be spoken to respectfully and with dignity, in front of an errant and ignorant first-time mom. It was not him imitating someone else - those expressions were all his own - he had an intrinsic idea of who he is, what he wants to do, and how he should be treated. I gaped, astounded, and quietly said, "I'm sorry."
Later that night we lay in bed, playing out our nightly ritual - I lie next to him and hold him, and he holds his teddy in the crook of one arm, bottle of milk in the other hand, and the teddy-side hand playing with my "boobs" (his word). In the soothing quietness, I looked at his big eyes and impossibly long eyelashes and was overcome with tenderness for this beautiful child. I resolved to be more patient with him and try to control my temper more effectively.
"I'm not going to fight with you anymore," I said, more to confirm it for myself than for him. "I don't like it when we fight, and I'm not going to shout at you anymore." He blinked, sucked on his bottle, and carried on looking straight up at the ceiling. I thought he just didn't understand what I meant, but I felt better for saying it anyway. Then he said, "And I'm not going to cry at you anymore mommy." For a second time that night, I was gobsmacked. I'd just made a truce with my baby! That feeling is indescribable. And I hadn't expected to feel it for the next 3 years at least.
I'm learning that everything about being a parent is bittersweet. I'm so glad that Nikhil can stand up and demand respect for himself, but I'm so sad for all the times I've treated him like an object without a will of his own. I'm sorry for all the times I've lost my temper, and all the times I will lose it in the future. I'm glad he taught me a lesson, but I'm sad I didn't know it in the first place. I'm sorry for all the other mistakes I will make over his lifetime, but most of all I'm glad that he's going to be okay, no matter how many mistakes I make and what situations he finds himself in.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Our little financial analyst
I was reading a little anecdotal story about a middle-aged guy remembering the first time he went to the sweet shop by himself at the age of about four – he paid for his sweets with cherry stones, and the shop owner was gracious enough to accept his currency and give him a few pennies back in change.
Cute story, but I couldn’t help thinking how unlikely it would be today. Nikhil certainly knows the difference between money and cherry stones. I am amazed at how much (and amused at how little) he knows about money.
He knows enough to demand money to spend at OK “Bazaars”, and throw a tantrum if he doesn’t get it. Incidentally, the nanny started calling it “OK Bazaars” and we followed suit, otherwise he would think we were going to the shop every time we said “Okay”.
A typical Tuesday afternoon conversation will go like this:
Nikhil: I want a pear.
Me: We don’t have any pears. Have an apple/ peach/ plum.
Nikhil: I want a pear! You must go to OK Bazaars and buy pears.
Me: Look at this lovely apple. Do you want one?
Nikhil: I want money.
Me: (Stunned) What do you want to do with money?
Nikhil: I want to go to OK Bazaars. I want to buy pears, and eggs and bread and newspaper and lollipop and chippies.
Me: I don’t have any money.
Nikhil: Go to work and buy money!
His great grandmother just gave him a birthday present – a traditional Chinese red envelope containing money, so Brad allowed him to handle the R100 note and told him who gave it to him. Nikhil was enchanted – he examined the note, crumpled it, tasted it, said “Thank you Tai-Po”, even though she was nowhere around, and refused to let us take it back. About 2 minutes later, though, he abandoned it on the lawn and found something else to amuse himself.
I’ve decided to use the money to give him an allowance – he gets R5 a week (the nanny is the appointed trustee) to spend at OK Bazaars. The poor nanny sometimes ends up spending her own money giving in to his ceaseless demands. Now he can buy his own eggs and bread and newspaper and lollipop and chippies about twice a week. We’ll work on actual values once he’s progressed past counting and can actually do some arithmetic! At the moment he firmly believes he can get eggs and bread and newspaper and lollipop and chippies for twenty cents. I don’t think I've ever bought eggs from OK Bazaars, but I know better than to mess with a 2-year-old’s ideas.
Recently, while walking around the lake near my parents’ house, Nikhil kept pointing at all the bottle caps littering the ground and calling them money. I was trying to explain to him that they weren’t money, but I didn’t have any coins handy to show him the difference, when we serendipitously found a R1 coin on the ground. I think I was more excited than Nikhil, and I promptly sent him off to the corner café with my dad to spend his windfall.
Now I’m just waiting for the day I say “I don’t have any money,” and he replies “Go outside and pick some up off the ground!” If only…
Cute story, but I couldn’t help thinking how unlikely it would be today. Nikhil certainly knows the difference between money and cherry stones. I am amazed at how much (and amused at how little) he knows about money.
He knows enough to demand money to spend at OK “Bazaars”, and throw a tantrum if he doesn’t get it. Incidentally, the nanny started calling it “OK Bazaars” and we followed suit, otherwise he would think we were going to the shop every time we said “Okay”.
A typical Tuesday afternoon conversation will go like this:
Nikhil: I want a pear.
Me: We don’t have any pears. Have an apple/ peach/ plum.
Nikhil: I want a pear! You must go to OK Bazaars and buy pears.
Me: Look at this lovely apple. Do you want one?
Nikhil: I want money.
Me: (Stunned) What do you want to do with money?
Nikhil: I want to go to OK Bazaars. I want to buy pears, and eggs and bread and newspaper and lollipop and chippies.
Me: I don’t have any money.
Nikhil: Go to work and buy money!
His great grandmother just gave him a birthday present – a traditional Chinese red envelope containing money, so Brad allowed him to handle the R100 note and told him who gave it to him. Nikhil was enchanted – he examined the note, crumpled it, tasted it, said “Thank you Tai-Po”, even though she was nowhere around, and refused to let us take it back. About 2 minutes later, though, he abandoned it on the lawn and found something else to amuse himself.
I’ve decided to use the money to give him an allowance – he gets R5 a week (the nanny is the appointed trustee) to spend at OK Bazaars. The poor nanny sometimes ends up spending her own money giving in to his ceaseless demands. Now he can buy his own eggs and bread and newspaper and lollipop and chippies about twice a week. We’ll work on actual values once he’s progressed past counting and can actually do some arithmetic! At the moment he firmly believes he can get eggs and bread and newspaper and lollipop and chippies for twenty cents. I don’t think I've ever bought eggs from OK Bazaars, but I know better than to mess with a 2-year-old’s ideas.
Recently, while walking around the lake near my parents’ house, Nikhil kept pointing at all the bottle caps littering the ground and calling them money. I was trying to explain to him that they weren’t money, but I didn’t have any coins handy to show him the difference, when we serendipitously found a R1 coin on the ground. I think I was more excited than Nikhil, and I promptly sent him off to the corner café with my dad to spend his windfall.
Now I’m just waiting for the day I say “I don’t have any money,” and he replies “Go outside and pick some up off the ground!” If only…
Monday, January 18, 2010
The Reading update
So, we have begun teaching Nikhil to read.
It is a very telling sign when the second letter your child learns to recognise is M... for MacDonald's!
When I decided to undertake this task, I printed out all the letters, capitals and lower case, in a good, simple font. I painstakingly cut out each letter and taped them, capital letter next to lower case, all over the dining room and kitchen, and ignored the strange looks from visitors (we've had lots of people coming to give us removals quotes).
Nikhil looked at them a few times, then proceeded to tear them off the furniture and eat them. Well, at least he's, ahem, taking them in...
But he has been learning well, albeit from other sources. He can now recognise 19 letters, and will key in the correct letter on the keyboard if you ask him to. He can also recognise a few numerals. The most valuable tool has been a program called Baby Smash, where the child can bash away at the keyboard and the letters appear large and bright, with a voice saying what it is. Function keys yield coloured shapes, so he now knows shapes like hexagons and trapezoids. Another great tool is a play dough set with alphabet cutters that my sister gave him for his birthday.
As much as I tried to avoid the "A for apple, B for ball" method, all the alphabet books we've found teach it that way. It's a problem, especially at this age. Nikhil will see a numeral, and say "Four! Four for...? Mommy, what's four for?" as if it's a letter to start a word with. Also, he knows D is for Dad, and B is for Brad, so he says "B for Dad!" and I'll have to say, "No, B for Brad." Then you can see his little brain thinking "That's what I said. Brad, Dad, same person!"
The great thing about teaching kids is that they are so eager to learn, they will force you to teach them. I have to admit, I've slacked off a bit recently (it does get tedious singing the alphabet song so many times) but Nikhil hasn't taken a break. We'll be rushing around at the mall and he'll point to a sign and say "Look! S!". Then I stop myself and point out the other letters to him.
And it's that excitement that has me wanting to homeschool my kids. The joy of learning something new, the satisfaction of discovering a proficiency - that's something I want to keep alive for all their lives.Because once they love learning, the subject matter is unimportant - they will always be able to learn whatever skill they need in life.
It is a very telling sign when the second letter your child learns to recognise is M... for MacDonald's!
When I decided to undertake this task, I printed out all the letters, capitals and lower case, in a good, simple font. I painstakingly cut out each letter and taped them, capital letter next to lower case, all over the dining room and kitchen, and ignored the strange looks from visitors (we've had lots of people coming to give us removals quotes).
Nikhil looked at them a few times, then proceeded to tear them off the furniture and eat them. Well, at least he's, ahem, taking them in...
But he has been learning well, albeit from other sources. He can now recognise 19 letters, and will key in the correct letter on the keyboard if you ask him to. He can also recognise a few numerals. The most valuable tool has been a program called Baby Smash, where the child can bash away at the keyboard and the letters appear large and bright, with a voice saying what it is. Function keys yield coloured shapes, so he now knows shapes like hexagons and trapezoids. Another great tool is a play dough set with alphabet cutters that my sister gave him for his birthday.
As much as I tried to avoid the "A for apple, B for ball" method, all the alphabet books we've found teach it that way. It's a problem, especially at this age. Nikhil will see a numeral, and say "Four! Four for...? Mommy, what's four for?" as if it's a letter to start a word with. Also, he knows D is for Dad, and B is for Brad, so he says "B for Dad!" and I'll have to say, "No, B for Brad." Then you can see his little brain thinking "That's what I said. Brad, Dad, same person!"
The great thing about teaching kids is that they are so eager to learn, they will force you to teach them. I have to admit, I've slacked off a bit recently (it does get tedious singing the alphabet song so many times) but Nikhil hasn't taken a break. We'll be rushing around at the mall and he'll point to a sign and say "Look! S!". Then I stop myself and point out the other letters to him.
And it's that excitement that has me wanting to homeschool my kids. The joy of learning something new, the satisfaction of discovering a proficiency - that's something I want to keep alive for all their lives.Because once they love learning, the subject matter is unimportant - they will always be able to learn whatever skill they need in life.
I'm back!
I have been absent for quite a while, I know. I would hate to feed you the regular blogger's excuses - holidays, busy with the kids, etc. So I'll tell you the truth.
I've been conducting a research study. I'm serious. So serious, in fact, that I am sharing the study with you right here:
Does sleep deprivation affect function? A study of the effects of prolonged interrupted sleep in adult females
Background: It is a well-known fact that sleep deprivation can lead to a multitude of physiological disturbances, so severe in fact, that sleep deprivation has been used as a means of torture in the past.
In modern times, however, women of childbearing age are often required to work in full-time employment while suffering the consequences of sleep deprivation, caused by looking after young children. This study aims to identify the functional areas affected, if any, by this sleep deprivation.
Method: Subjects were chosen from a small geographical area. They were female, married, with children under the age of 30 months, and employed in full time jobs. Subjects with concomitant disease states were not excluded from the study. A total number of 1 subjects were recruited. Average age: 30 years. Average weight: None of your business, Nosey!
After a full day of work, subjects were allowed to go to bed at 10pm every night. They were then woken at random intervals ranging from 30 to 90 minutes. They were woken by the sound of a child waking, as this was found to be the most effective way of getting their adrenaline and cortisol levels to rise rapidly and ensure they were fully awake within 0.48 seconds. Subjects were woken 5 to 8 times a night.
Subjects were kept awake for varying time periods, at random, between 5 and 120 minutes. During this time they were made to perform any combination of the following tasks:
> breastfeeding an infant, remembering which breast to feed from so as to avoid "foremilk diarrhoea" or affect supply
> comforting a toddler out of a nightmare
> finding a syringe and administering medication to a crying infant without allowing infant to choke or spit medication out
> switching on lights, going to kitchen on a different level of the house, making a bottle of chamomile tea, cooling it to a comfortable temperature, and feeding it to a child
> ignoring a smiling, cooing baby so as to teach the baby the difference between night and day
> allowing a toddler to kick fitfully, grab her breasts and tickle her eyes, nose and ears if she attempted to fall asleep during the allocated wake period
> change a messy diaper without waking the baby or allowing mess onto the bed.
The subjects were expected to keep up this routine for at least four months. During the first 6 weeks of the study, they were subjected to severe hormonal imbalances and fluctuations, causing such symptoms as emotional instability, weight gain, irritability, water retention and depression.
Results:
After 3 months, subjects began to show significant loss of function. Confusion and memory loss were the most prominent, characterised by subjects forgetting what day of the week it was (even after returning to employment), not knowing where they were at night, forgetting where they had left the baby, forgetting how many children they had, and performing the wrong tasks on the wrong children. Loss of memory also included forgetting the names of everyday objects, children and spouses.
The incidence of minor car accidents increased.
Alcoholic tendencies increased.
Weight gain increased. On average, subjects gained as much weight as they had lost after giving birth.
Regarding waking up for the day, most subjects reported waking feeling tired and experiencing "gritty eyes", but were able to get out of bed and attend to morning tasks. These included all night time tasks, as well as dressing themselves for the work day.
Incidence of mismatched outfits and/ or inappropriate shoes increased. Subjects reported that this was not of great concern to them.
Ability to hold meaningful discourse with spouses decreased significantly, although most subjects became increasingly adept at making the appropriate listening sounds, and spouses did not report a perceived breakdown in communication.
Attendance at work was unchanged. Actual performance at work was unmeasurable.
Conclusion and recommendations: Protracted sleep deprivation has significant effects on the population studied. However, subjects were able to keep up the appearance of fully functional individuals.
It seems to be a design flaw that women must undergo this sleep deprivation at a time when their offspring are most in need of an alert, energetic, well-functioning caregiver. The researchers have a number of recommendations on the improvements which can and should be made to the next versions of Baby and Mother.
I've been conducting a research study. I'm serious. So serious, in fact, that I am sharing the study with you right here:
Does sleep deprivation affect function? A study of the effects of prolonged interrupted sleep in adult females
Background: It is a well-known fact that sleep deprivation can lead to a multitude of physiological disturbances, so severe in fact, that sleep deprivation has been used as a means of torture in the past.
In modern times, however, women of childbearing age are often required to work in full-time employment while suffering the consequences of sleep deprivation, caused by looking after young children. This study aims to identify the functional areas affected, if any, by this sleep deprivation.
Method: Subjects were chosen from a small geographical area. They were female, married, with children under the age of 30 months, and employed in full time jobs. Subjects with concomitant disease states were not excluded from the study. A total number of 1 subjects were recruited. Average age: 30 years. Average weight: None of your business, Nosey!
After a full day of work, subjects were allowed to go to bed at 10pm every night. They were then woken at random intervals ranging from 30 to 90 minutes. They were woken by the sound of a child waking, as this was found to be the most effective way of getting their adrenaline and cortisol levels to rise rapidly and ensure they were fully awake within 0.48 seconds. Subjects were woken 5 to 8 times a night.
Subjects were kept awake for varying time periods, at random, between 5 and 120 minutes. During this time they were made to perform any combination of the following tasks:
> breastfeeding an infant, remembering which breast to feed from so as to avoid "foremilk diarrhoea" or affect supply
> comforting a toddler out of a nightmare
> finding a syringe and administering medication to a crying infant without allowing infant to choke or spit medication out
> switching on lights, going to kitchen on a different level of the house, making a bottle of chamomile tea, cooling it to a comfortable temperature, and feeding it to a child
> ignoring a smiling, cooing baby so as to teach the baby the difference between night and day
> allowing a toddler to kick fitfully, grab her breasts and tickle her eyes, nose and ears if she attempted to fall asleep during the allocated wake period
> change a messy diaper without waking the baby or allowing mess onto the bed.
The subjects were expected to keep up this routine for at least four months. During the first 6 weeks of the study, they were subjected to severe hormonal imbalances and fluctuations, causing such symptoms as emotional instability, weight gain, irritability, water retention and depression.
Results:
After 3 months, subjects began to show significant loss of function. Confusion and memory loss were the most prominent, characterised by subjects forgetting what day of the week it was (even after returning to employment), not knowing where they were at night, forgetting where they had left the baby, forgetting how many children they had, and performing the wrong tasks on the wrong children. Loss of memory also included forgetting the names of everyday objects, children and spouses.
The incidence of minor car accidents increased.
Alcoholic tendencies increased.
Weight gain increased. On average, subjects gained as much weight as they had lost after giving birth.
Regarding waking up for the day, most subjects reported waking feeling tired and experiencing "gritty eyes", but were able to get out of bed and attend to morning tasks. These included all night time tasks, as well as dressing themselves for the work day.
Incidence of mismatched outfits and/ or inappropriate shoes increased. Subjects reported that this was not of great concern to them.
Ability to hold meaningful discourse with spouses decreased significantly, although most subjects became increasingly adept at making the appropriate listening sounds, and spouses did not report a perceived breakdown in communication.
Attendance at work was unchanged. Actual performance at work was unmeasurable.
Conclusion and recommendations: Protracted sleep deprivation has significant effects on the population studied. However, subjects were able to keep up the appearance of fully functional individuals.
It seems to be a design flaw that women must undergo this sleep deprivation at a time when their offspring are most in need of an alert, energetic, well-functioning caregiver. The researchers have a number of recommendations on the improvements which can and should be made to the next versions of Baby and Mother.
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